craftlifestylemanagement

11 Ways to Find Happiness in Retirement

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Denise’s Viewpoint

Retirement is defined as an action or fact of leaving one’s job and ceasing to work. Or, the withdrawal of a jury from the courtroom to decide a verdict. I am not a fan of the word ‘retirement’ because both definitions sound so ending. I prefer Recreate, Reenergize or my favorite, Repurpose.

We repurpose everything to achieve something better from something that was already good and needed before. Why can’t we decide to have a new purpose? One that we recreate from our talents, career, work, hobbies and/or interests?

At Craft LifeStyle Management we work with our clients for who they are at the moment. We did not cause or create the life they had when coming under our care. Some clients have accomplished amazing things in the second chapter of their lives by finding new purpose and energy. Others have health issues and openly share they wish they’d have done more in life when they were physically able to. We also have clients who’ve chosen to rest, causing much atrophy to their minds and bodies. Sadly, they often think this time in their lives has no meaning.

The choices we make are ours. What we choose to do will determine how we live and our purpose in this stage of life. There is not a wrong or a right way. There are simply choices that belong to us.

Many think that when they retire, they are done. Thus, they withdraw. If this is what you choose, that is your choice. Maybe you don’t want to do anything more than hold down the recliner. Your health will deteriorate much sooner, but again, this is your choice.

We are at the age where many of our friends are dealing with this topic. It is invigorating to see what most of our friends are choosing in retirement. Things like joining gyms or other activities they never had time for prior to retirement.

Plan ahead for retirement. Make meaningful choices. Choices that are right for you.

Ways to Ensure Your Post-Career Years Are Filled with Purpose & Fulfillment

Find Meaningful Ways to Volunteer. Seek a cause you’re super passionate about and volunteer a couple times a month. It’s a very satisfying feeling giving back. BONUS: You may connect with a new social group-fellow volunteers.

Keep your brain working. Find something to stimulate your brain: Games on the computer, card or board games, sewing, writing, reading, photography, playing a musical instrument, trying a new recipe, learning a foreign language, etc.

Be social and reconnect with family and friends, including your spouse or partner. It may have been challenging to consistently connect when you worked full time. Heck. Live on the edge. Go out on a weeknight now and do your household shopping together mid-day, mid-week. Also, you are guaranteed an increase to your happiness by spending time playing and telling stories with your grandchildren. Take time to mend and renew valued relationships. Perhaps set up a weekly online chat with long-lost college, child or work friends. Reconnect.

Update your home. Does your house reflect the current you? If not, maybe it’s time to refresh your space with a new paint color or change up the furniture. This is a perfect time to declutter each room. This takes time but at the end you will feel proud of your updated space and more comfortable living there as it now reflects the present-day you.

Travel. Be adventurous. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Learn something new by exploring new places, even if these are in your own community and state. Set a goal. Maybe visit all major league baseball stadiums or all national parks. Create a bucket or “no regrets list” and then start crossing items off the list as you complete them.

Renew or discover hobbies & interests. Maybe there’s something from your younger years that’s been dormant. Now is the time to re-engage and see if you still enjoy this hobby. Or, find a new one. Take an online course to test it out. Dig into your family history or write your own memoire.

Get moving. Regardless of age, exercise is always a mood booster. Staying active is important for all aspects of your health: physically, mentally and socially. Set a daily step count for your walks, attend regular exercise classes, and go swimming. Just do something active daily.

Research relocation. A growing trend is relocating for retirement. Make sure you’re clear about what makes you happy and that your finances allow this. Will happiness come from a warm climate, an urban landscape or something else? Do you desire to be near family, including grandchildren? Make a careful plan to boost your retirement happiness.

Simplify and limit distractions. Reflect on what matters most. Prioritize what is really important to you and limit worry, frustration and distractions affecting your sense of peace. Focus on the present by fully engaging in and enjoying the moment.

Stay positive. By now you know problems and health challenges arise. But you also have the life experience to navigate through these with confidence and grace. Happiness comes from this seasoned experience and understanding that things are not always going to be perfect or to your liking. There’s maturity in accepting the outcome anyway.

Seek help. Retirement offers a newfound sense of freedom and flexibility but also the realization that you may not be able to do everything on your own. Asking for help may allow you to stay in your own home, keep doing activities you enjoy and connecting with others. Don’t be too proud to seek assistance.

And, if there’s anything Craft LifeStyle Management can do to ensure a smooth transition for you or your loved ones, Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

More Information

Fun Classes for Senior Citizens to Take | Senior Lifestyle

Osher Lifelong Learning Institute | Nebraska (unl.edu)

Entrance Passes (U.S. National Park Service) (nps.gov)

Spring events & festivals | VisitNebraska.com

Events | Travel Iowa

Events | Official North Dakota Travel & Tourism Guide (ndtourism.com)

Events in South Dakota | Travel South Dakota

Calendar of Events in Kansas, Kansas Events & Things to Do in Kansas (travelks.com)

©March 2023 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

As always, a share is appreciated.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason.

How to Feel Festive When You’re Not in the Holiday Spirit

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

What has your 2022 been like? I know you’ve had some real joyous days in your year and that you had the strength and courage to overcome any obstacles that came your way. I trust you can rejoice in experiencing another year and hope you are looking forward to 2023. I am.

At Craft LifeStyle Management, 2022 has flown by as the team and I worked tirelessly providing compassionate care to those in states of transition or requiring companion care at home. But here we are again at “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Measure Your Mood

Are you in a festive mood? Do you have merriment in your soul, or are you feeling a bit blue this season? If so, you are not alone.  For many, the lack of excitement for the holiday season is also matched by the feeling of guilt for its absence.

The holiday season can bring stress and depression. If we let it, this time of the year can be very demanding: shopping, baking, cooking meals, entertaining, cleaning, and attending gatherings outside of our own homes.

For some, poor health or concerns about a loved one’s health or even grieving a loss or death compounds the stress and depression. Many feel deep loneliness during the holidays.

Practical Tips to Minimize Stress

  • Recognize your holiday triggers. Maybe these are financial pressures or personal demands. Plan ahead for gift giving by setting a budget and shopping throughout the year. But now that the holidays are here, and it’s too late to shop throughout, don’t stress. Look at your list. Is there a way to minimize it? Is it truly necessary to buy for everyone on that list? NOTE: A few years back I found the courage to ask a group of friends if a gift exchange was really necessary between all of us? To my surprise, everyone was thrilled not to exchange. Now, our gift is not gifting anymore. 🎁🎁 Remember. Gifts do not equal happiness or replace face-to-face connection. Create a list and stick to it. Cut back on the entertaining and baking. Learn to say, “No.” Friends will understand if you cannot attend every party or event.
  • Lower expectations. Let’s be real. Christmas feels more festive as a child, or when children are present because there’s a sense of excitement and magic. Don’t set yourself up for failure thinking that you’ll feel this same youthful wonder as you age. Anticipation leads to disappointment. Practice being in the moment. Enjoy the holiday you have not the one you had in the past or the one you hoped you’d have.
  • Appreciate your loved ones for who they are. Hoping and wishing someone in your family was different or acted in a more mature way rarely causes them to change for the family holiday gathering. This holiday, accept your loved ones for who they are. Avoid bringing up contentious subject matter and past grievances. Save these conversations for a more appropriate time.
  • Stick with healthy habits. Overindulging in food or alcohol only makes you feel guilty, especially if you’ve been working hard on wellness all year. Eat a healthy snack before going to holiday parties. Limit your alcohol consumption. NOTE: Alcohol is a depressant and may make you feel worse. Get plenty of sleep and keep to your exercise routine. Remember to take your medications. Also, avoid obsessing on others’ photographs on social media highlighting their celebrations and livelihood. Unbeknown to many, this causes considerable undue stress.
  • Engage in self-care. It’s amazing what even 15 minutes alone can do to boost your spirits. Take a relaxing bath. Read a good book. Paint your nails. Go on a lovely winter hike. Fresh air and exercise improve your mental health and are a great way to de-stress. Saying “No” is also a means of self-care.
  • Think of others. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Facetime with friends and family in other states. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or at the local hospital or nursing home. Buy gifts from local artists and small businesses.Host a zoom caroling event.
  • Ask for help. Assign entrees or side dishes to family coming to the holiday dinner. Enlist your children, partner or friends to help decorate your home. Shop with a friend. Lean on your support system if you are overwhelmed. Reach out to a mental health professional if you are feeling severely depressed. They will be able to help you navigate your overwhelming emotions and offer ways to manage symptoms.

Ways to Feel More Festive

  • Decorate your home. Pull out the old ornaments and recall the story associated with each as you place it on the tree. Sit by the lit tree after work. There is something calming and relaxing associated with Christmas tree lights.
  • Send Christmas cards. Make a list and mail cards to elderly relatives and other friends and family who don’t regularly see your social media posts.
  • Bake treats. Drop them off at the local police or fire station, a homeless shelter or at a select list of your favorite service providers.
  • Watch holiday movies. These movies start airing already in early November. Check the listings and find your favorite ones, or find a new one.
  • Listen to Christmas music. Songs of your youth will bring back many cherished holiday memories.
  • Start a new tradition. Attend a basketball game on Christmas Day or go to the movies. Get your family to agree to skip gift giving and instead donate money to a charity. Or splurge on a family get-away, a bucket list location.
Remember, it’s okay not to feel like Jolly Old St. Nick during the holiday season. Be kind to yourself and your loved ones. However, and with whomever, you celebrate the holiday season, my wish is that your heart is full of love and your days content. 🎄🎁😊

As always, if Craft LifeStyle Management can assist you and your family in any way, contact us. We are here to serve you. ❤-Denise-

©December 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

Please SHARE with those you know struggle during this season. Thank you!

How to Get Your Elderly Relatives to Talk to You

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays where families of many generations customarily gather. Initially we plan for that “Norman Rockwell” gathering where there is much joy and delight in seeing everyone. Hugs and kisses are exchanged. Then afterwards, it is not uncommon for age groups to naturally split off. Afterall, as people we gravitate toward those most like us.

This upcoming holiday season, I’m proposing a shift in this age group splitting. I’m advocating for encouraging younger generations to spend time with the senior members of their families. There is much to be learned from their insight, wisdom and stories.

Overcome Challenges

Talking to seniors can be challenging. Some seniors can start to have difficulty speaking, listening, and processing information which all affect their ability to communicate. Some older adults appear to not want to participate in conversations, especially in a group.

Please understand their reasons for not participating. It likely isn’t because they are older and don’t’ know what is going on. For instance, if the older adult has hearing aids, group background noise causes them to turn the hearing aids down so not to hurt their ears. This defeats the purpose of being in the group.

Or the person doesn’t have hearing aids and should. If they are consistently asking, “What did you say?” or say, “Speak up!” these are clues that their hearing should be evaluated, and hearing aids are likely needed.

Many groups with older adults engage in “ping pong talk”. Older members of the group may have memory loss or slowly process information. They are not able to follow the conversation or understand all that is being said, especially if it’s said quickly. Therefore, the conversation goes back and forth and back and forth, leading to frustration, or worse yet, silence.

Older adults do want to be engaged in conversation. HINT: It’s best to do that in a two-to-three-person group setting and to speak slowly and listen for understanding.

Youngster Pushback

And it’s not unusual to hear a younger person say, “I never know what to talk to Grandma about.” Of course, these different generations have dissimilar experiences and opinions. However, conversations with senior family members can be richly rewarding and create lasting memories. If done well, these interactions will connect generations and form bonds.

Try the conversation starters below. If the elders have memory deficits, they likely will go to a profound memory time of their life like childhood, or when they entered the military, began having children or some other major milestone.

Let them tell you about these significant moments. Engage. Actively listen and ask questions as if you were right there in the same time period they are sharing.

BONUS: Talking to senior citizens is not only good for social interaction it is good for their brain health. It requires long term memory recall, imagination and creativity.

Tips on Talking to Elderly People

  • Don’t talk down to elders or treat them as children. It is condescending.
  • Interact with them as adults. Avoid talking too slowly and loudly and overly simplifying words. Speaking loudly does not mean your message will be understood.
  • Talk in a noise-free, distraction-free space. No blaring TV or competing distractions.
  • Offer encouragement and support.
  • Limit unsolicited advice/directives. These are adults with real-world adult experiences. Remember, a family gathering is not the time to give advice or discuss issues that will upset elder family members. HINT: Never gang up on them. Avoid: “Mom, Happy Holidays! We also want to talk about you moving out of your home.” Designate another time for these courageous conversations.
  • Actively listen. Maintain eye contact and use your body language (leaning in, smiling, nodding) to show you’re paying attention. Give verbal confirmation that you’re hearing and understanding what is being shared. A gentle hand or shoulder touch shows you are present and connected to the speaker. Always sit at eye level. Never stand while speaking. This body language is upsetting to many, especially those with memory and cognitive impairments.
  • Slow down. Give the person time to process what is being said and to respond at their own rate of recall. “Air space” is good. Letting the elder think, process and respond before going on and asking more questions or moving to another subject.
  • Use names not pronouns. Say Uncle Ken, not he or him. It keeps the loved one focused on whom you are speaking about.
  • Don’t interrupt. Doing so may cause the person to lose track of the conversation flow. It can also cause confusion and result in a feeling of inadequacy.
  • Use real names not terms like “honey,” “sweetie,” etc.
  • Avoid arguing. Understand there are differing opinions, many as a result of different generations/ages/cultures. Never use profanity or foul language. It is always better to redirect a conversation to a completely different topic than to argue. If the conversation returns to the uncomfortable subject, most of the time mentioning that you have nothing to add and want to move on works.
  • Focus on one topic to discuss before moving on to the next topic. Jumping around from subject to subject can cause confusion, especially for those with dementia.
  • Use an iPad or writing tablet for seniors who have communication challenges related to speech and/or hearing.
  • Leave the person feeling relevant and respected. Don’t be bossy. Ask instead of issuing orders. Offer choices whenever, and wherever, possible. This creates a sense of control in one’s own life and a feeling of independence.
  • Don’t be afraid to laugh and brighten each other’s days.

12 Enjoyable Conversation Starters

Of course, there are endless questions & topics one could use to begin a conversation with older members of a family.

Try these 12 fun ones this upcoming holiday season.

  1. Tell me about your favorite Thanksgiving/Christmas memory as a child.
  2. What do you think about computers and smartphones and what was your world like before this technology was available? What is your favorite gadget today?
  3. Are there any foods you used to love to eat that are no longer available today? What is your favorite holiday cookie? Do you still bake them?
  4. Share your college life experience with me. What did you study? What did you do on the weekends? What activities were you involved with? Did you work while going to school? Are you an active alumnus today? Why?
  5. How did you meet your spouse? What was dating like? What age did you get married? Describe your wedding and early married life together.
  6. When you were a child, what was your dream for your life? Did it happen? How or why not?
  7. What Hollywood star or politician did you admire from your youth and whom do you admire today?
  8. Describe a gift you received early on in your life that you’ve kept and explain why it’s so special.
  9. Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were a kid? What was your favorite toy?
  10. How have you coped with loss in your life? What tips can you share?
  11. Share some of your favorite memories growing up with your parents and siblings.
  12. What are you most proud of in your life? Notice how they are living the happy episode all over again as it is shared.

Here’s to a joyful intergenerational holiday season!

Wishing you and yours a Thanksgiving filled with creating lasting memories with those you love.

In this season of gratitude, let me say thank you to all of you who have trusted the care of your loved ones to my team and I here at Craft LifeStyle Management. We are humbled and deeply grateful. We treasure and appreciate our relationship with you and yours.

Also, thank you to the hard-working, dedicated team at CLM that works tirelessly to provide expert, compassionate care to all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

©November 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

Stop Being the Ass of the Family

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Family Character Definitions

All of us play a role in our family of origin-the family we were born into and/or the family we grew up in.

Family roles shape how we interact with each other in the family system.

At times, these roles function to create and maintain a balance in the family system. Other times we have to navigate our way through complex family dynamics and role-playing. This is particularly true when families are in a position of caring for a frail, ill and/or aging family member.

Three decades of working with families in transition has shown us consistent behaviors between and among family members. So consistent, that Craft LifeStyle Management has given names to the behaviors.

Which One Do You See Yourself As?

Dictator. This person thinks they are in charge. All of their answers are correct and the best. They talk over everyone. Most of the time this person is clueless about the reality of the situation.

Seagull.  Seagulls are less informed than dictators. They fly in and crap over everything and quickly fly back out leaving nothing but a mess and a lot of hurt feelings.

Eeyore. This character is a miserable, pessimistic and gloomy old stuffed donkey belonging to Christopher Robin. His closest friend is Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore’s wallow and complain. Their general attitude is “woe is me” and everything is always bad.

Geographically challenged. They get to do everything because they live closest to mom and dad. Every day they’re challenged with balancing care of their loved ones with care of their own family while likely also working. They are challenged with scheduling medical appointments and getting parents to them. Family living out of the area are often unaware of what they are going through and how time-consuming caregiving is. “I know you’re busy but Mom called and said she needs groceries. Can you go get them since you live nearby?”  The personality of this person often dictates the rest of the family dynamics. 

Entitled. It’s all about me. “I should get it.” “I deserve to have it.” “I did this.” “I did that.” Entitled’s should ask themselves, “If I have to tell everyone what I deserve and how much I have done, have I really done anything?”

Golden child. Generational favoritisms are hard to break. The majority of time, the golden child is either the oldest or youngest son. In large families it could be both.

Smooshed Cream in the Middle of an Ice Cream Sandwich Cookie. Imagine a hot summer day where you are enjoying an ice cream sandwich cookie. You repeatedly squish it down and lick around the edges until it’s two messy cookies pressed together. This is when Craft LifeStyle Management receives the call from a family member. There is absolutely nothing else to lick away and you’re smashed together. That ice cream filling is parental care, family life, child activities, jobs, marriages, homes, outside commitments, etc. Pile on deteriorating parental health or a medical crisis like a fall, requiring hospitalization. No one has any more ice cream filling to give. The gooey middle has met the crisis cookie.

Ostrich. Self-explanatory. Ostriches stick their heads in the ground. They are in total denial.

Donkey. Donkeys are generally harmless. Everyone knows what the slang for donkey is-the ass of the family. Mostly the dumb things the ass has done are not out of malice. It is just out of stupidity. Donkeys are usually likeable and easy to get along with.

Rooster. Roosters puff up their chests. They cross their arms and do not need any help handling matters. They raise their voices and have an attitude from the first “hello my name is.” Over time, Craft LifeStyle Management has learned roosters are usually the ones who have sucked Mom and Dad dry. Often, they’ve been sponging off of them forever.

Roach. Roaches come out at night; therefore, they’re a little under the radar picking at all the pieces left to fall on the ground. They think everything has a ridiculously high value. They don’t tell you they want all the items even if other siblings want them. Mediation generally has to happen between roosters and roaches.

Clergy or Keeper of the Cloth. This character ranks right up there with the Roach and the Rooster. However, they disguise their approach using faith-based lines. “God bless you,” or “God keep you.” “I want nothing just for God to watch down on me and know I’m doing the right thing.” “Bless you.” “Shall we pray?”

They claim they want the high-priced items like wedding and engagement rings not for the monetary value but rather sentimental value. It meant so much to whoever the deceased is (Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, etc.)  Usually, the clergy or keeper of the cloth hasn’t been around to help. They’ve been very busy helping so many others due to their serious faith commitments.

CAUTION:  It’s proven that the rooster, the roach and the clergy always despise each other.

The following list of family roles was published by Our Programs | (innerchange.com).

Consider the above roles and these.

Which Role Do You Play? Which Do You Want to Play?

  • Hero: This is the “good” and “responsible” child. This person is a high achiever, carries the pride of the family, and he/she overcompensates to avoid looking or feeling inadequate. He/she is often a good leader and organizer and is goal-oriented and self-disciplined. Sometimes the hero lacks the ability to play, relax, follow others, or allow others to be right.
  • Rescuer: The rescuer takes care of others’ needs and emotions and problem-solves for others in the family. The rescuer might have difficulty with conflict. He/she takes on the role of rescuer in the name of helping others, though it is often to meet his/her own needs, such as relieving anxiety. This person doesn’t realize that sometimes helping hurts. He/she also lives with a lot of guilt and finds it challenging to focus on him/herself.
  • Mediator: The mediator can be a rescuer-type although he/she works to keep peace in the family system. This person does the emotional work of the family to avoid conflict. He/she acts as a buffer, and does it in the name of helping others, although it may be for his/her needs. This can be a healthy role depending on how the person mediates.
  • Scapegoat/Black sheep: This is the person the other family members feel needs the most help. Usually this is the family member in need of treatment or in treatment. This person often shows the obvious symptoms of the family being unable to work through problems. The person may have strengths such as a sense of humor, a greater level of honesty, and the willingness to be close to his/her feelings. Yet there can also be an inappropriate expression of feelings, and the person may experience social or emotional problems.
  • Switchboard: This person is the central information center in the family. He/she keeps track of what’s going on by being aware of who is doing what and when. This person has strength in being the central person to go to and understanding how the family is doing. However, this person focuses on everyone else’s issues rather than his/her own.
  • Power broker: This person works at maintaining a hierarchy in the family with him/herself at the top. His/her safety and security with life depends on feeling in control of the environment around him/her.
  • Lost child: The lost child is the subservient good child. He/she is obedient, passive, and hidden in the family trauma. He/she stays hidden to avoid being a problem. Generally, this person is flexible and easygoing. However, he/she lacks direction, is fearful in making decisions, and follows without questioning.
  • Clown: The clown uses humor to offset the family conflict and to create a sense that things are okay. This person has a talent to readily lighten the moment, but he/she hides his/her true feelings.
  • Cheerleader: The cheerleader provides support and encouragement to others. There is usually balance in taking care of his/her own needs while providing a positive influence on those around him/her.
  • Nurturer: This person provides emotional support, creates safety, is available to others, and can be a mediator. He/she focuses on having and meeting emotional needs, usually in a balanced manner.
  • Thinker: The thinker provides the objective, reasoning focus. His/her strength is being able to see situations in a logical, objective manner. However, he/she may find it difficult to connect emotionally with others.
  • Truthteller: This person reflects the system as it is. At times the challenge is how that information is relayed. Other members in the family might be offended or avoid the truthteller because of the power of the truth he/she holds. Strength occurs when this person is coupled with another positive role, such as a nurturer or cheerleader.

More Information

Roleplaying: The 6 Family Roles We’re All Familiar With — Insightful Innovations

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Roles-Within-the-Family.aspx

How to Handle Siblings in Denial About a Parent’s Declining Health – AgingCare.com

If Craft LifeStyle Management can assist you and your family during times of transition, please contact us.  We’ve been serving older Americans and their families for over three decades and are ready to assist you in your time of transition.
What We Do – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

©August 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for CraftLifeStyle Management.

How to Support Declutter for a Cause Month

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ 4 Comments

According to Psychology Today, clutter plays a significant role in how we feel about our homes, workplaces and ourselves. Clutter bombards our minds with excessive stimuli and causes our senses to work overtime. This is distracting and makes it hard to focus on what needs to be done.

Craft LifeStyle Management is frequently called upon to assist in clearing or organizing homes with excessive treasures (hoarding).

Therefore, we support “Declutter for a Cause” during the month of February.

This 28-day motivational initiative urges people to declutter their homes and offices and donate gently used and new belongings to a nonprofit in need.

Getting Started

Sometimes the hardest part of decluttering is getting started.

Begin with the right attitude. Make it fun. Crank up the tunes. Take before and after photos. Document your progress.

We recommend going room by room. If it’s too overwhelming, narrow it down. Begin with a closet or corner.

Perhaps, designate one room per week during the month.

Sort your items by “Trash,” “Recycle,” “Donate,” “Storage,” and “Put Away.”

“Storage” here means items you don’t need on a day-to-day basis like seasonal decorations. “Put away” means items to keep. However, these items aren’t where they need to be. For instance, cups and plates in a bedroom that need to be returned to a kitchen cabinet. Each item needs a ‘home.’

Bonus: When you’re done at the end of February, you will be amazed at how great you feel with less “stuff” in your life.

One Room Per Week

BEDROOM: First, make the bed and tidy the room. Pick up any clothes on the floor. Now, go through the dresser drawers, nightstand and closet. Get rid of items that no longer fit and you no longer like to wear. Don’t forget the bathroom. Check beauty products and the medicine cabinet. What’s expired? Toss old beauty products. Return unused medications to the pharmacy rather than dump them in the trash or toilet. Take the time to wipe down shelves and surfaces that rarely get cleaned.

Tricks: Attach a magnet strip to the inside of a cabinet door and stick bobby pins to it. Label pint jars and place makeup brushes, cotton balls and swabs in them. Clear the clutter and keep organized.

KITCHEN: Sort small kitchen gadgets and appliances. What is no longer used or needed? Same for coffee mugs, utensils, cookware and flatware. While in the kitchen, clean the pantry and refrigerator. What’s expired? Discard.

CHILD’S ROOM & PET SUPPLIES & TOYS: Declutter Month is a perfect time to teach children about being generous and donating gently used toys and clothing to those who have less. Involve them in sorting pet supplies and toys too.

GARAGE & BASEMENT: Go through shelves, drawers and cabinets. What can be thrown out? Set aside what you will donate and recycle. Note: Ask your accountant how long you need to hold on to certain financial records (hard copy & digital). Be careful to dispose of chemicals, solvents, paints, etc. correctly. Read and understand local regulations.

Benefits & Perks

Sorting, throwing and cleaning can be hard work. Focus on the benefits of getting rid of clutter.

  • Save money with less purchases
  • Free up some time with less shopping, dusting and cleaning
  • Have a more peaceful, calm home

Trick: Challenge yourself and your family to a no-spend month. No one buys anything except essentials. This stops the inflow of “stuff,” which often leads to clutter.

Contact your favorite charity to see what needs they may have.

Craft LifeStyle Management works with all nonprofits. Our goal is to donate as much as possible to organizations or souls in need. We work to preserve the earth and use landfills as little as possible.

For instance, we donate

  • Towels to animal shelters
  • Figurines to artists who repurpose them
  • Books to libraries and schools
  • Clothing, household goods and toys to women’s and homeless shelters and rehabilitation organizations
  • Furniture, housewares and yard equipment to programs with graduating levels of care (homeless to getting a home), including refugee organizations like Refugee Empowerment Center

Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com) if we can help declutter your home, or the home of a loved one.

SHARE this post with your family members & friends who will be supporting “Declutter for a Cause” month this February.

©February 2022. Craft LifeStyle Management

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason

Improve Your Love Life at Any Age

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day & Every Day

Photo by Linda Leier Thomason

Here we are again. The month of February with its predictable Valentine’s Day jitters.

Some really look forward to this day. They anticipate being showered with gifts of love from their partner. I, Denise Craft, am not one of them. I’m about as big of a fan of Valentine’s Day as I am of New Year’s resolutions; both put undue pressure on us.

What I do believe is that Valentine’s Day serves as a reminder to appreciate the closest relationships in one’s life. I make time to pause and reflect on the importance of love, attachment, affection and closeness. I respect how each of these adds value and joy to my life.

Declining Divorce Rate

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) latest data (2020), 44.6% of marriages in the USA end in divorce. Though this may seem high, the divorce rate in America is actually dropping. In fact, it’s declined 35% in the past 20 years. This is a surprisingly good sign.  FastStats – Marriage and Divorce (cdc.gov)

These declining rates should give us all hope. It means people who get married today stand a much better chance of having a successful marriage than ever before.

Successful long-term relationships take considerable nurturing and work. If you’re someone who’s partner longingly looks forward to Valentine’s Day, you may need to put more work into this special day to ensure a blissful outcome.

5 Ways to Spice up Your Love Life

Since I’m the so-called Scrooge of Valentine’s Day and believe one must work every day at keeping love alive, I did a bit of research and compiled a list of meaningful ways to improve one’s love life.

Use it to create a special Valentine’s Day and to enhance your love life, every day, regardless of your age or years together with your partner.

  • Show “I Love You” don’t just say the most popular three-word phrase in the world. Feeling love comes from small gestures showing your partner that you understand and know him/her. For instance, if your partner has spoken fondly of a favorite childhood dessert, find the recipe. Surprise him/her with not only the recipe (perhaps hand-written by a grandparent or parent) but prepare the actual dessert. It’s not a grand gesture but it’s a personal nurturing one that will be deeply appreciated. Feeling heard and understood are cherished gifts.
  • Demonstrate “I care” by taking a task off the To-Do list. This is super effective for busy parents. Empty the dishwasher. Pick up the milk from the store. Fold and put away the laundry. Sweep the floor. Make the beds. While not super sexy or high dollar value gifts, these are real signs of caring and sharing in the busyness of everyday life. Bonus: It may leave more time for you to share some romantic time with your partner. Understand it’s the small things that someone does for you daily that keeps love alive. It’s not typically the grand gestures keeping marriages intact.
  • Record your feelings. When is the last time you’ve written your partner a love letter, or verbally expressed your true emotions or feelings? Gifts like this appreciate over time. They are deeply treasured, especially after the loss of a partner. Go ahead. Write a love letter. Cuddle up and read it aloud to your partner. Bathe in the warmth of the exchange. The heartfelt words and the reading of them are priceless. No tangible gift can ever trump a hand-written love note or letter. Ever. HINT: A super easy and fun alternative to this is listing one or two reasons you love your partner. Hide or tape this list in a creative spot and let them find it. A nice, heart-warming surprise for them, and you.
  • Take a deep dive into understanding your partner. No matter how many years you’ve been together there is always something new to learn about them. A fun way to do this is using the book, “2000 Questions about Me” from Piccadilly. How would your partner answer: “What stood out in one of your most memorable dreams?” and “Do you think cheerleaders are motivating or distracting at football games?”  It’s been really fun getting to know and understand him better through these random questions. Try it. Piccadilly 2000 Questions About Me Guided Journal Cardstock 152 Pages – Walmart.com
  • Nothing is more appealing to others than remembering that you’re enough. Self-love, self-confidence and self-care make you a better person. [Note: This is not the same as being selfish or self-centered. Big difference.] And, if you are single on Valentine’s Day, know you are worthy of love, whether or not you have a partner. Your single status is not something to “fix.” You are not lacking. You are enough.

Consistency Over Flowers & Chocolates

Real love is not flowers, fancy dinners, chocolates or hearts.

It is shown by your partner’s dedication to you every day.

Real love is familiar and created with trust and respect.

It is an everyday thing. It certainly is not a one-day event hyped by retailers.

Wishing you love on Valentine’s Day & every day.

SHARE this with those you love.

©February 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Mangement by Linda Leier Thomason

New Year, New You in 2022

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

For many of us a new year is a time for those New Year’s resolutions. Let’s be honest. Resolutions are hard because they require us to make changes in our lives about the way we are doing things. Resolutions are usually difficult to stick to. When we don’t, we feel discouraged. Most of us give up before January ends.

January is also Self-Love Month. How about trying a different approach to resolutions this year?

#1 Resolution

The number one resolution is almost always to lose weight or change something about ourselves. While health and self-improvement are great goals, it is equally important to love yourself.

Waistlines and scales do not tell us what a great family member you are or how kind, generous and compassionate you are. They can’t measure the care you give to loved ones.

Here’s a fresh approach to start 2022.

Be kind to your body and show yourself some love this month, and every month.

If you’re looking for some healthy new resolutions where you can see real positive changes in your overall health and well-being and also practice self-love, put some effort toward:

Beginning a New Exercise Routine

Set aside the negative self-talk which has prevented you from achieving this goal in the past. Yes, this is easier said than done! Find a likeminded friend. Set a time to meet weekly. The only rule is there can be no sitting and eating when together.

Walk. 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♂️

Weather is a great excuse during winter months. Eliminate the excuse. Find a warm indoor space like a mall. No, this doesn’t mean you have to shop and spend. Just walk and talk.

Starting to move doesn’t need to be difficult. It can be fun! Yes, fun! Start with something you truly enjoy. Whatever you choose, commit for short periods and then add on.

If it was easy, this would not be the ‘resolution’ where we start over each new year. Right?

Sticking with it and remaining active is a mindset.

Now that you and your friend are getting together once or twice a week to move, take it to another level.

Stay focused on your resolutions.

Perhaps join a gym. It is very intimidating to walk into a gym when you are not used to that environment. Once you join, try all the different classes. It is a great way to learn new things and see what you truly enjoy.

Most communities have free or reasonably priced fitness classes. These are ideal for those more likely to stay committed to a routine by joining a group. Groups not only hold one accountable but provide great socialization.

Denise’s Insight about Movement

Those who know me personally know I go nuts if I cannot get energy out of my body! Those caged squirrels about do me in. After a stress-filled day, I cannot just come home and sit. No matter the time of day, I have to take at least 30 minutes to unwind my brain by moving my body. A walk will do just this for me.

Taking Care of Your Mental Health

Exercise movement not only impacts your physical health. It’s also great for your mental health. It releases endorphins making you feel happy. Exercise helps your body release negative energy. It rids the body of anxiety. In other words, a simple brisk walk can make you feel calmer and more relaxed.

In 2022, commit to moving your body. 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

Other things affecting your mental health are:

  • Getting a great night’s sleep
  • Eating a balanced diet
  • Spending quality time with others
  • Boosting your brain with activities like word games, Sudoku, or playing an instrument.

If you have unresolved issues affecting your mental health, maybe 2022 is the time to make an appointment with a professional mental health counselor to deal with these emotional difficulties or mental illness. This is self-love, not weakness or selfishness.

Denise’s Insight about Mental Health

Silence is another way to care for your mental health. It’s my favorite. Yes, there is meditating and being in quiet to connect with one’s inner self in stillness. It’s a beautiful thing!

I love when our clients say, “Oh sure I will just sit down and meditate while I have my parents, children, work, etc. all on my plate!!”

I totally get this, and live this.

This is what I do daily. I put my dinging phone away and turn off all electronics around me. In complete silence I unload the dishwasher, fold laundry or pick up a room. The quiet forces me to listen to nothing and to hear my own thoughts. This is my early morning meditation. It works wonders for me. Perhaps it will for you.

Practicing Self-Care

Self-Care is an act of self-love. It is taking care of yourself in a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual way. You are aware of your own needs and do what is necessary to meet them. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes of your day to browse a favorite website or enjoy a desired snack. Or, it can be as involved as a spa day.

Contrary to most of our upbringings, self-care is not being selfish or indulgent. Rather, it is essential to having a healthy mind and body.

If we do not work on ourselves and make time for rest and relaxation or if we neglect our souls, we will burn out. Depleting ourselves, we are no good to anyone, including ourselves.

8 Steps Toward Self-Love in 2022

So, as we begin 2022 in the month dedicated to self-love,

  • Surround yourself with good.
  • Remember you are important.
  • Plan something just for you & have something to look forward to.
  • Take joy in the success of others.
  • Let your guard down and receive care from others. Accept a hug or massage. Share your feelings. Ask for help.
  • Trust yourself and your voice. You don’t need to apologize for having an opinion that differs from others.
  • Be accountable to yourself and others. Don’t make excuses for your unacceptable behavior, or accept others’ excuses for theirs.
  • Cut yourself some slack, nobody’s perfect! Have some fun.

Here’s to a Great 2022!!

© January 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason

How to Bring Christmas Joy to Elderly Loved Ones

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Christmas is associated with tradition and family gatherings. The music, food and decorations all come around year after year to remind everyone the holiday season is here.

Our seniors understand these traditions more than any others. They are generally the ones who’ve passed them down and given them meaning to the younger generations.

There are many benefits of spending time with elderly loved ones during the holidays.

Christmas can be depressing for older adults as they recall people and things they’ve lost over time. While it’s good to honor these deceased loved ones, it’s better for one’s mental health to share stories, create new memories and participate in traditional Christmas events and activities.

Spending time together as an extended family can boost everyone’s spirits, and even lower the risk of depression.

3 Simple Actions That Bring Joy

Decorate

Ask everyone to bring a certain number of their favorite ornaments and holiday decorations. Share the story of the ornament’s history and joy it brought to your life as you place it on the Christmas tree. 🎄

Hang wreaths on doors and windows and place holiday decorations throughout the home.

Bonus: All of these activities require movement. Your elderly loved one is getting quite a lot of physical activity while enjoying each of these activities.

Socialize

Gather together and watch favorite holiday movies. Share stories of your family’s past Christmas gatherings. (Hopefully most are positive.) Bake and decorate cookies and work on arts and crafts side-by-side. How about a craft from the past-paper snowflakes?

If your family is lucky enough to have a pianist, join around the piano and sing carols. Better yet, bundle up and surprise neighbors and friends by caroling at their front doors. 🎵🎹

Bonus: Recalling past Christmases enhances memory and keeps the brain healthy, as does socialization. Music has the power to reconnect us to joyous past memories. For seniors, it can be quite nostalgic to relive the magic of past Christmases.

Get Online

Using technology during the holiday season isn’t all bad. It can be quite positive, especially if your loved one has limited mobility. 💻

Set a date and sit side-by-side to help them purchase a few gifts through online shopping-free delivery, of course.

Teach them how to send online Christmas cards.

Virtually connect through technology and schedule a time to bring all of the family together through a video call using applications (apps) like: Apple FaceTime, Google Hangouts or Skype. Share joyful highlights of your year, or even watch a favorite holiday movie together. It can make all feel a bit closer if the entire family can’t be together for the holiday.

Bonus: Each of these will lift your loved one’s spirits, reducing depression. Learning online skills strengthens the brain.

Hint: Many seniors still have a strong preference for receiving personal mail through the USPS. If this is your aging loved one, be sure to send them a physical card with a handwritten loving, uplifting message.

Caring

Showing our elderly loved ones we are thinking about them during the holiday season doesn’t have to be stressful or burdensome. You can easily show they are not forgotten by incorporating established holiday traditions and using technology.

Do keep in mind how they may be feeling. They used to be “in charge” of making the holidays joyful. Now, as they’ve aged and lost some of their abilities, they may have relinquished the holiday merriment to a younger generation. There may be a sense of loss. But, incorporating the simple steps above, a sense of joy can still exist.

PS: The best gift you can ever give is the gift of time from your busy life to create special moments together.

Wishing you and your loved ones much joy this holiday season.

Merry Christmas! 

Denise & The Craft LifeStyle Management Team

As always, reach out to us if we can be of help.http://craftlifestylemgt.com/contact/

© December 2021 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason.

Retirees: How to Plan for Next Pandemic

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Covid-19 Wake Up Call

©www.lindaleierthomason.com

Many rejoiced! Covid was over. Life was getting back to ‘normal’.

Or, so it was thought until the recent Delta variant crept back into the everyday news cycle.

For a few brief months, when all believed this nasty virus was tamed with vaccines, Americans delighted in seeing families coming together again to celebrate and reconnect.

What Will We Do Differently?

While we all tepidly approach our public lives again it’s time to pause a bit and ask what was learned during the pandemic.

At Craft LifeStyle Management we see children finally getting back into their parent’s homes. Grandchildren into grandparent homes and neighbors into older friend’s homes.

Some of what is found and reported is heartbreaking.

Real Life Story

Recently we were asked by an out-of-state family member to enter their father’s local home. Of course, they’d been frequently visiting with him via telephone during the pandemic since he was unable to manage other modern communications.

He always sounded good on the phone-laughing, joking and openly reporting what he’d eaten. He claimed he had no problem getting up and down the stairs and that his laundry was being done. Much laughter was had when he told a story about stained clothing from all of the cooking he’d been doing.

The out-of-state family had groceries delivered. A family friend about their dad’s age regularly checked on him by calling and driving by.

Everyone was doing their best to keep dad safe since he has cancer and COPD.

Here’s what was really going on during COVID times.

Dad lied. Or, perhaps didn’t want to alarm, or bother, anyone.

The Truth

The family received their vaccines and confirmed dad had his. “Yup, all taken care of.”

They came to visit-all excited to hug and see each other.

To their dismay and heartbreak, when they arrived at the family home, it was nothing like their anticipated “Norman Rockwell family gathering.”

It was pure sorrow.

He was not washing clothes or cleaning. He was depressed and lonely.

He was not eating well.

Sure, the groceries were delivered; however, he didn’t want to cook. Instead, he ate all processed food and snacks. Thank goodness he had access to these even if they were mostly unhealthy.

Dad was unable to get up and down the stairs where his bed was. Instead, he was sleeping, eating and basically surviving on the couch.

The family took him directly to the emergency room 40 minutes away. He was not admitted but was given liquids and sent home.

Outcome

Dad is now living with his out-of-state family. He is not happy about having to abruptly leave him home, causing another level of depression.

The family is trying their best to figure this out.

What Learned

  • Telephone calls, Zoom meetings and Facebook messages cannot take the place of in-person interactions. The pandemic highlighted the fact that many older people are not familiar, or comfortable, with the latest technology and struggle to make meaningful contact with loved ones.
  • Parents have a habit of sheltering their children from bad news.
  • There is an increased awareness of taking care of one’s mental health. Globally, the impact on mental health from the pandemic has been devastating. There will be no “normal” way to adjust and re-acclimate to life after the events of this past year. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll reported that up to 45 percent of adults experienced negative mental health effects due to the pandemic – and an even higher percentage in those who serve as family caregivers for older senior loved ones.
  • Retirees are experiencing a role reversal. During the pandemic parents were getting instructions from their children. “Don’t leave the house. Order groceries online. Watch church services on your computer, etc.” Many are trying to understand what these roles look like post pandemic.
  • Easing back into the real world can be hard. Regaining physical strength and emotional resilience are necessary to thrive in this new post pandemic world. Most were living in fear and isolation for so long it’s hard not to want to emerge fully confident and active. However, after months of inactivity and diet changes, and likely lost muscle mass, it’s best to take it slow to adjust to this still uncertain world.
  • Adult children gained insight about their own retirements and how they want to age. Where would they want to live during a pandemic? Are they financially prepared? Would they be able to support themselves in an economic downturn?
  • Families are discussing adapting their houses and lifestyle to have their parents share a home with them.
  • Senior-living industry is adapting to this upheaval, planning for the future. Some have moved isolation units to the main floor instead of upper floors, allowing for access to the outdoors for fresh air and sunshine. Many placed clear panels in doorways so residents could see and talk safely to visitors. Future buildings will likely have smaller groups of units in the building rather than several dozen units down a long hallway. Even the HVAC systems are being re-thought-circulating air over smaller areas. And, communal dining and group activities will now likely be reinvented and done in smaller groups.

©August 2021 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason.

What I Know to be True about Death & Dying

~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment
©www.lindaleierthomason.com

For over three decades Craft LifeStyle Management has supported families through death and dying. We offer comfort care for those transitioning from this earth to death and assist in healthy family reorganization after the death.

This is always an intensely emotional time. We urge patience, forgiveness and compassion along with open communication and acceptance during this time, and always.

Remember to also give yourself grace. You are not required to argue or feel bad for the decisions you have made for your loved one. In our experience, more times than not, the family member being the ‘worst’ has done the least.

If you are going through this process with a loved one and your family, know we care about you.

We are here to help in any way we possibly can. Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

10 Truths with Notes & Hints

  1. The way one learns about death and dying, or experiences it, affects how one reacts to it. Teaching or talking about these often-taboo subjects is helpful at any age. NOTE: Letting your loved ones know the way you’d like to experience the dying process is a gift. Share your wants and wishes aloud, or at a minimum in writing.
  2. No two family members approach the dying process, death or grief in the same manner. Some will embrace what is happening. Others simply cannot accept it. HINT: Sometimes it seems impossible to connect with and support one another because a family member’s behavior seems unrecognizable at the moment. Give one another space and allow emotions to settle. Avoid being verbally insulted or belittled because someone is not able to handle their own emotions at the moment. Typically, over time, all eventually return to their ‘normal’ selves.
  3. Family members who live out of the area often feel tremendous guilt about not being there to help. Others who live in the same community as the deceased may continue to allow their grudges and hurt to interfere with compassion and empathy. They may avoid the dying person altogether.
  4. It’s not unusual for the primary caretaker to resent other family members for “not carrying their weight” during this time.
  5. Support for one another is far superior to allowing tensions to drive you and your family apart during this difficult time. NOTE: It’s likely the wedges were present many years prior to a death in the family. This process only brought them to the forefront again.
  6. Stress of caretaking and grief impacts one’s immune system. HINT: It’s so important to take care of oneself while caring for others and grieving a loss.
  7. Death sometimes does bring out the worst in families. Sadly, some families fight over funeral arrangements, material possessions and money during the dying process and/or after a death, causing compounded grief and permanent separation. HINT: Keep in mind grief can cause reasonable people to sometimes act unreasonable, especially if they have guilt or unresolved issues with their dying family member. Practice a bit of patience and a lot of forgiveness. Consider that the best option may be to excuse yourself and walk away. Understand there may be too many emotions at the moment to sort through. Peace and calm always win.
  8. A child often steps in and takes the role of the deceased parent. Or, the siblings place the role of the deceased one on one of their siblings causing more stress and burden. Sometimes this is welcomed; other times it causes resentment in either situation. Be aware of this and do your best as a family to cope.
  9. Religious values and death rituals like graveside services or Christian Mass or service offer comfort and normalcy to grieving families. Schedule these, even if it seems nearly impossible to go through them. NOTE: Services and funerals are for the living. Pre-planning these takes so much stress and yes, fighting, off of loved ones. If this was not done, gather as a family. Allow each person to state what they think the deceased wanted. Letting each completely share their thoughts will bring some resolution between each sibling and all of the shared options. There will be some overlap that will help immensely in creating this sorrowful final plan.
  10. There is absolutely NO timeline associated with grief. NOTE: This is so important to understand. One may immediately fall apart. Another may be stone cold. No one knows how they will react until they are in the situation. It is also true that you may react quite differently with each loved one who passes. Again, give yourself grace to handle your own journey and extend that grace to others as well.

As always, let us know how we can offer comfort or care to you and your loved ones. Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

SHARE with family.

Peace be with you, always.

More Information

Family Misunderstanding After a Death (whatsyourgrief.com)

Family Reorganization After a Death – Legacy.com

©June 2021 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.