5 Ways You Can Combat Loneliness for Aging Parents

Stay Connected & Engaged

Isolation and loneliness are serious problems for older adults.

Sadly, 43% of people over 60 are reporting that they are suffering from loneliness. 

It may be due to

  • Loss of a spouse
  • Physical decline like decreased mobility, hearing and vision, resulting in loss of driving ability
  • Death of peers
  • Reluctance to make new friends
  • Limited social outings and interactions
  • Unfamiliarity with technology

Remaining in one’s home is often a goal but it can result in extreme social isolation. Even if caregivers stop-in to check on the aging person, life often lacks fun and excitement.

Geographically distant family members become overwhelmed with guilt and uncertainty of how to help combat the loneliness from afar.

It becomes worrisome when they hear aging relatives express enthusiasm about social connections in offshore countries and optimism about winning lotteries.

While contests and social media platforms can be fun, they can also cause multiple problems, especially if your loved one begins sending money to unscrupulous ‘connections’ from afar.

Loneliness is linked to disease and even death. Those who feel isolated and alone are sicker and often die sooner.

It’s important to build safe social networks, in person or digitally, at all ages, but especially for older adults living alone.

5 Tips

1. Stay in Touch Frequently & Regularly

Put yourself in their place. Imagine living alone and never speaking to or connecting with anyone other than a retail clerk or medical staffer.

Make it a point to call or visit regularly. Maybe you check-in with a phone call every day at a certain time or every Sunday, for instance, you meet for lunch. Your senior will look forward to each of these contacts.

Increase your contact volume and keep a regular schedule.

While you’re there in person, go through the mail.

Do you see anything that looks suspect, like phony offers of prizes from lotteries and sweepstakes or envelopes from foreign countries? If so, talk about this and remind them of the possible risks of these sorts of activities.

Remember, anytime you’re asked to send money to collect a prize, it’s not legitimate.

2. Introduce & Teach Technology

People of a certain age may not own or even use technology like those younger than them.

This doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to learn.

Investing in a computer or tablet with a camera is a great way to help an aging relative feel connected.

Let the grandchild teach them how to use it, establishing a memorable bond.

Check out community education classes for seniors.

A whole new world can open up to an aging relative willing to learn how to use technology.

3. Attend Events Together

Few older adults want to learn a new craft or be pushed into an activity they never enjoyed or participated in while younger.

Instead, go down memory lane with them.

Ask what activities they fondly recall from day’s past. Maybe it’s the annual fall festival or the church fish fry, or even the Christmas concert at the elementary school. Whatever it is, make plans to attend together.

Be sure you get the tickets and make the travel arrangements so the event is worry-free for them.

4. Relive the Old Times

Make a date to sit with them a look through family scrapbooks, home movies and photo albums to relive memories. You may be amazed what new information you learn.

Or, pull out a favorite recipe to make together. Or find a card or board game and play it.

Let them take the lead and tell you what activity from their past brought them the greatest joy, and then do it together with patience.

Doing these beloved activities with grandchildren will only heighten the experience.

5. Community

Maybe your aging loved one was never a “joiner” but it doesn’t hurt to try and encourage them to participate in the many community events for senior citizens.

Get online and research availability and maybe even join them for an activity or two to ease the transition.

It’s proven that social interaction and activity extends one’s life span. This is a great, easy way to start them getting more social interaction.

© May 2020. Craft LifeStyle Management. All rights reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

Denise Craft founded Craft LifeStyle Management in 1988 to ease the burden for families of the aging, veterans, and special needs adults during times of transition. She understands what’s involved in transitioning any individual from their personal home to their next home and to end of life. Her seasoned knowledge of available placement services, housing options, eligible benefits and payor sources, and community resources is endless. 

Please contact Denise Craft LifeStyle Management for all of your transitional needs.

A Week in Solitary

I vowed to spend the week in solitary when my husband left for business.  I spent a week by myself not a week in silence. Baby steps here. A week alone with complete silence seems insurmountable.

Solitary has never been my thing. How can it be? I was raised in a family of 11 with hundreds of cousins. I lived in dorms. I worked in offices and on Capitol Hill. There was always noise and movement around me. I thrived in these settings, or at least I thought I did as a social creature.

As the week in solitary progressed and my “to-do” list rapidly dwindled, I grew somewhat contemplative. I thought about those devoted to monastic silence by choice and those placed in solitary confinement in prisons. Monks seeking calm, serenity and peace of mind conflicted with prisoners in confined spaces filled with angst, rage and contempt. Such contrasting routes and approaches to solitude.

Little noise and distraction unlocked solitary moments warehoused in my memory. I relived my wedding day before driving downtown Charleston, SC to get dressed for the ceremony. The calmness I felt as I lazily completed piddly tasks alone around my house came back. I recalled sitting on the porch marveling how I was living my last minutes as a single woman while feeling the excitement of our forthcoming ceremony and reception. Insisting I be alone that morning was the right decision. It kept me focused and in the moment. Solitude prepared me for commitment.

Later I recalled overnight feedings of our infant son. Holding him in the crook of my left arm propped up with a pillow while rocking him in the night’s darkness: the intimacy of those silent irreplaceable moments. In the stillness I listened to him, though he could not yet speak. Solitude naturally bonded mother and son.

Not all unlocked memories of solitude were blissful. Sometimes being all alone in thought and presence is scary. I shivered recalling how solitude paralyzed me as I sat next to a friend dying of AIDS. Though together, I felt completely alone. The room was eerily quiet, except for the surrounding machines and medical staff moving in and out of the room. None made eye contact. An unspoken understanding existed that these were our last moments together. I grasped his limp hand and didn’t dare cry, trumping his pain with mine. Crying would ruin the silence needed for his ending. Solitude readied me for grieving.

As I worked through one memory after another, testifying that I’d previously not only endured but sometimes thrived in solitary, it became clear that a very distinct difference exists between loneliness and solitude. One is painful, the other meditative. While I advocate for meditation and solitude, I understand that many are lonely and suffer deeply from disconnection and loneliness. Loneliness feels like punishment while voluntarily placing oneself in solitary is a priceless gift.

And when the garage door opened signaling my husband’s return, my week in solitary ended. My unlocked memories remained as did faith in myself that I could endure and appreciate future weeks in solitary.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or confused by the busyness of daily life, force yourself to a period of solitary. Be quiet. Recall the past. Relive the joy. Understand the pain. Appreciate the moment. A week in solitary is worth the initial discomfort. It offers perspective. It adds depth to your life.

“We need to find God. And he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature-trees, flowers, grass grows in silence. See the starts, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch souls.- Mother Teresa-

Retreat Centers:

Cloisters on the Platte in Nebraska http://www.cloistersontheplatte.com

Benedictine Peace Center in Yankton, SD http://yanktonbenedictines.org

Creighton University Retreat Center in Griswold, Iowa http://creighton.edu/ministry/retreatcenter

St. Benedict Center in Schuyler Nebraska http://www.stbenedictcenter.com

Website of Retreat Centers http://www.retreatfinder.com

Have you been on a silent retreat or forced yourself into a week of solitary? Comment. How did the experience work for  you?

Copyright. October 2015. Linda Leier Thomason.

All Rights Reserved.