How to Get Your Elderly Relatives to Talk to You

Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays where families of many generations customarily gather. Initially we plan for that “Norman Rockwell” gathering where there is much joy and delight in seeing everyone. Hugs and kisses are exchanged. Then afterwards, it is not uncommon for age groups to naturally split off. Afterall, as people we gravitate toward those most like us.

This upcoming holiday season, I’m proposing a shift in this age group splitting. I’m advocating for encouraging younger generations to spend time with the senior members of their families. There is much to be learned from their insight, wisdom and stories.

Overcome Challenges

Talking to seniors can be challenging. Some seniors can start to have difficulty speaking, listening, and processing information which all affect their ability to communicate. Some older adults appear to not want to participate in conversations, especially in a group.

Please understand their reasons for not participating. It likely isn’t because they are older and don’t’ know what is going on. For instance, if the older adult has hearing aids, group background noise causes them to turn the hearing aids down so not to hurt their ears. This defeats the purpose of being in the group.

Or the person doesn’t have hearing aids and should. If they are consistently asking, “What did you say?” or say, “Speak up!” these are clues that their hearing should be evaluated, and hearing aids are likely needed.

Many groups with older adults engage in “ping pong talk”. Older members of the group may have memory loss or slowly process information. They are not able to follow the conversation or understand all that is being said, especially if it’s said quickly. Therefore, the conversation goes back and forth and back and forth, leading to frustration, or worse yet, silence.

Older adults do want to be engaged in conversation. HINT: It’s best to do that in a two-to-three-person group setting and to speak slowly and listen for understanding.

Youngster Pushback

And it’s not unusual to hear a younger person say, “I never know what to talk to Grandma about.” Of course, these different generations have dissimilar experiences and opinions. However, conversations with senior family members can be richly rewarding and create lasting memories. If done well, these interactions will connect generations and form bonds.

Try the conversation starters below. If the elders have memory deficits, they likely will go to a profound memory time of their life like childhood, or when they entered the military, began having children or some other major milestone.

Let them tell you about these significant moments. Engage. Actively listen and ask questions as if you were right there in the same time period they are sharing.

BONUS: Talking to senior citizens is not only good for social interaction it is good for their brain health. It requires long term memory recall, imagination and creativity.

Tips on Talking to Elderly People

  • Don’t talk down to elders or treat them as children. It is condescending.
  • Interact with them as adults. Avoid talking too slowly and loudly and overly simplifying words. Speaking loudly does not mean your message will be understood.
  • Talk in a noise-free, distraction-free space. No blaring TV or competing distractions.
  • Offer encouragement and support.
  • Limit unsolicited advice/directives. These are adults with real-world adult experiences. Remember, a family gathering is not the time to give advice or discuss issues that will upset elder family members. HINT: Never gang up on them. Avoid: “Mom, Happy Holidays! We also want to talk about you moving out of your home.” Designate another time for these courageous conversations.
  • Actively listen. Maintain eye contact and use your body language (leaning in, smiling, nodding) to show you’re paying attention. Give verbal confirmation that you’re hearing and understanding what is being shared. A gentle hand or shoulder touch shows you are present and connected to the speaker. Always sit at eye level. Never stand while speaking. This body language is upsetting to many, especially those with memory and cognitive impairments.
  • Slow down. Give the person time to process what is being said and to respond at their own rate of recall. “Air space” is good. Letting the elder think, process and respond before going on and asking more questions or moving to another subject.
  • Use names not pronouns. Say Uncle Ken, not he or him. It keeps the loved one focused on whom you are speaking about.
  • Don’t interrupt. Doing so may cause the person to lose track of the conversation flow. It can also cause confusion and result in a feeling of inadequacy.
  • Use real names not terms like “honey,” “sweetie,” etc.
  • Avoid arguing. Understand there are differing opinions, many as a result of different generations/ages/cultures. Never use profanity or foul language. It is always better to redirect a conversation to a completely different topic than to argue. If the conversation returns to the uncomfortable subject, most of the time mentioning that you have nothing to add and want to move on works.
  • Focus on one topic to discuss before moving on to the next topic. Jumping around from subject to subject can cause confusion, especially for those with dementia.
  • Use an iPad or writing tablet for seniors who have communication challenges related to speech and/or hearing.
  • Leave the person feeling relevant and respected. Don’t be bossy. Ask instead of issuing orders. Offer choices whenever, and wherever, possible. This creates a sense of control in one’s own life and a feeling of independence.
  • Don’t be afraid to laugh and brighten each other’s days.

12 Enjoyable Conversation Starters

Of course, there are endless questions & topics one could use to begin a conversation with older members of a family.

Try these 12 fun ones this upcoming holiday season.

  1. Tell me about your favorite Thanksgiving/Christmas memory as a child.
  2. What do you think about computers and smartphones and what was your world like before this technology was available? What is your favorite gadget today?
  3. Are there any foods you used to love to eat that are no longer available today? What is your favorite holiday cookie? Do you still bake them?
  4. Share your college life experience with me. What did you study? What did you do on the weekends? What activities were you involved with? Did you work while going to school? Are you an active alumnus today? Why?
  5. How did you meet your spouse? What was dating like? What age did you get married? Describe your wedding and early married life together.
  6. When you were a child, what was your dream for your life? Did it happen? How or why not?
  7. What Hollywood star or politician did you admire from your youth and whom do you admire today?
  8. Describe a gift you received early on in your life that you’ve kept and explain why it’s so special.
  9. Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were a kid? What was your favorite toy?
  10. How have you coped with loss in your life? What tips can you share?
  11. Share some of your favorite memories growing up with your parents and siblings.
  12. What are you most proud of in your life? Notice how they are living the happy episode all over again as it is shared.

Here’s to a joyful intergenerational holiday season!

Wishing you and yours a Thanksgiving filled with creating lasting memories with those you love.

In this season of gratitude, let me say thank you to all of you who have trusted the care of your loved ones to my team and I here at Craft LifeStyle Management. We are humbled and deeply grateful. We treasure and appreciate our relationship with you and yours.

Also, thank you to the hard-working, dedicated team at CLM that works tirelessly to provide expert, compassionate care to all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

©November 2022 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

How to Recognize Geriatric Substance Abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse, particularly prescription drugs, among those 60 and older, is one of the fastest-growing health problems in the United States.

Many consider substance abuse to be a mounting public health concern.

True Story

Ruth retired 12 years ago. Her husband of nearly 50 years died a few years back. Her children and their families live in other states. Many of her friends have died or have moved nearer their children. Some reside in an assisted living facility. Others are in nursing homes. She rarely sees them or even hears from them.

Ruth’s doctor has her on several medications for health issues associated with aging. Most days she remembers to take them.

She’s isolated and feels very alone. In the evening Ruth has a glass or two, sometimes a bottle, of wine to “help her sleep” and cope with all of these big life changes and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

Before going to bed, she takes aspirin for a headache.

Is Ruth abusing alcohol?

Could grandma really be an alcoholic?

Maybe.

Substance Abuse Facts

  • While illicit drug use typically declines after young adulthood, nearly 1 million adults aged 65 and older live with a substance use disorder (SUD), as reported in 2018 data.1 
  • Alcohol is the most used drug among older adults. It is often used for physical and emotional pain.
  • The total number of SUD admissions to treatment facilities between 2000 and 2012 differed slightly; the proportion of admissions of older adults increased from 3.4% to 7.0% during this time.2
  • Little is known about the effects of alcohol and drugs on an aging brain.
  • As one ages, physiological changes in the body lead to increased sensitivity and a reduced tolerance to drugs and alcohol. And, medical complications may interfere with the way alcohol or drugs are broken down in the body.
  • Herbal remedies, dietary supplements and over-the-counter medications can interact with drugs and alcohol in unpredictable ways.
  • Older adults metabolize substances more slowly. Therefore, their bodies and brains are more sensitive to drugs.3 
  • Elderly often unintentionally misuse medications. They take them too often, forget to take them or take the wrong amount.
  • According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD), widowers 75 and older make up the majority of people suffering from alcoholism in the USA. They use it to medicate their grief.
  • Nearly 50 percent of nursing home residents have a problem with alcohol.4
  • Older adults are hospitalized for alcohol-related problems as often as they are for heart attacks.5
  • Doctors are often confused whether a patient is misusing substances or is showing symptoms of aging like dementia, frailty, lethargy, chronic health conditions or reactions to stressful, life-changing events in their patient’s lives. Many physicians do not screen for substance abuse. Instead, they focus on the more common medical problems of the aging.

Causes of Substance Abuse

Aging is not easy. Older adults, who struggle with the challenges of it, look for ways to self-medicate.

For many, retirement often means a loss of social connection and purpose. Children relocate and are busy with their own families and careers. Health issues become debilitating and disheartening. A lot of the things that once defined adult life are lost.

Causes of drug and alcohol abuse in older adults can include:

  • Loss of a loved one. Many elderly people use drugs and alcohol to comfort themselves following a major loss.
  • Loneliness. A trip to the local bar may be the only way seniors feel connected. They are isolated by circumstance. Maybe the children have moved away and do not remain in regular contact. Or, they’ve lost their spouse or best friend. They no longer have a daily routine since retirement. Alcohol and drugs help them feel less alone.
  • Health challenges. These can come on like a blizzard. Mobility issues mean loss of independence.  Vision challenges may affect one’s ability to drive and lead to social isolation. Cancer, strokes and heart problems make seniors feel hopeless. Health problems can feel overwhelming and drugs and alcohol allows one to escape from the rigors of them.
  • Chronic Pain. It’s very common for those with chronic pain to become addicted to prescription drugs.
  • Financial Challenges. This is a risk factor for substance abuse at any age but especially for the elderly who may not be prepared for medical and nursing home bills.
  • Sleep Problems.  Sleep can be a struggle for many. Maybe it’s caused by age, health problems, loss of a partner or purpose, family conflict, relocation, or anxiety. Doctors are often quick to prescribe medications to help people fall asleep. But certain sleep pills can be addictive. Some elderly choose to self-medicate with over-the-counter sleep aids, prescription painkillers or alcohol.
  • Unintended Abuse. Memory challenges and cognitive decline make it hard for older adults to keep track of medications. They take them too often or in a larger dose than prescribed.  It is common to inadvertently take medications incorrectly, increasing the risk of developing an addiction and dependence.

Signs & Symptoms

Substance abuse in the elderly is often hard to identify, especially if the person is always homebound.

Some of the signs of substance abuse mirror signs of aging, making it difficult to recognize if there is an issue, or its extent. Also, medications that many elderly take may mask or mimic substance abuse symptoms.

General health and mental conditions increase as one ages, creating the need for greater prescription drug usage. The Psychiatric Times estimates that a quarter of all prescription drugs in the USA are sold to the elderly, and close to 11 percent of this group may abuse these medications.

Those with abuse issues feel ashamed and try to hide their addiction.

Their adult children ignore the issue, disbelieving mom or dad could be an alcoholic or drug addict at this point in their adult life.

Elder substance abuse then nearly becomes an invisible problem.

Experts say these are the most common indicators of substance abuse in the elderly:

  • Secretive and solitary drinking habits
  • Slurred speech and repeated falls
  • Sudden and drastic change in appearance and hygiene
  • Hostile and aggressive behaviors, irritability
  • Unexplained burns and bruises
  • Drinking despite warnings on prescription containers
  • Onset of depression or anxiety; panic attacks
  • Fatigue or weakness; sleep problems or sleeping during the day
  • Memory loss, confusion and forgetfulness, especially of date, time and place
  • Giving up interests and hobbies once enjoyed
  • Chronic health complaints not linked to obvious health problems
  • Loss of appetite or changes in eating habits
  • Losing touch with loved ones
  • Unable to complete activities of daily living (ADLs)

Consequences

Drugs and alcohol worsen lung and heart problems and exasperate memory issues and mood disorders.

Alcohol abuse puts older people at greater risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure, liver and bone problems and memory and mood disorders.

Impaired judgment, reaction time and lack of coordination resulting from drug and alcohol use often result in accidents like falls and vehicular crashes.

It leads to greater isolation. The one abusing substances self isolates or (s)he offends family and friends, causing greater isolation.

What to Do

Little research exists on the best models of care for older adults abusing substances.

Research that is available shows that even a brief intervention by a physician or other healthcare provider can reduce drinking levels.

If you are concerned about a loved one who may be suffering from elderly alcoholism or addiction, talk to them about their habits. Be prepared. They may be embarrassed by their problems and refuse to admit they have an issue. Because of the stigma of addiction, they might believe it’s a private matter and not be willing to openly talk to you about it.

Since many older adults do not recognize the need for addiction treatment, an intervention from family, treatment professionals and/or medical professionals is vital.

Research does show

  • Treatment with others their age is most effective.
  • Older adults are compliant with treatment and have better outcomes than younger addicts.
  • Longer duration of care for this population results in better outcomes.
  • A focus on re-building support networks is vital to preventing relapse.
  • Since detox and withdrawal are very hard on the body, elderly addicts with serious medical conditions are best treated in a local hospital before transferring to a treatment center.

If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse and needs help, please contact   Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

They are there to listen in a non-judgmental way and to guide you to the best treatment available.

SHARE this post.

You never know who may be helped by doing so.

©October 2021 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason.

References

  1. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2019). Results from the 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Detailed tables. Rockville, MD: Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and Quality, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Retrieved from https://www.samhsa.gov/data/
  2. Chatre S, Cook R, Mallik E et al. Trends in substance use admissions among older adults. BMC Health Services Research. 2017; 584(17). doi: https://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-017-2538-z
  3. Colliver JD, Compton WM, Gfroerer JC, Condon T. Projecting drug use among aging baby boomers in 2020. Annals of Epidemiology. 2006; 16(4): 257–265.
  4. National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence. (2015). Alcohol, Drug Dependence and Seniors.
  5. National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence. (2015). Alcohol, Drug Dependence and Seniors.

More Information

Substance Abuse in Aging and Elderly Adults (psychiatrictimes.com)

Facts About Aging and Alcohol | National Institute on Aging (nih.gov)

Substance Use Treatment for Older Adults | SAMHSA

A Guide to Drug Abuse & Addiction Recovery for the Elderly

Substance Use in Older Adults DrugFacts | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)

Retirees: How to Plan for Next Pandemic

Covid-19 Wake Up Call

©www.lindaleierthomason.com

Many rejoiced! Covid was over. Life was getting back to ‘normal’.

Or, so it was thought until the recent Delta variant crept back into the everyday news cycle.

For a few brief months, when all believed this nasty virus was tamed with vaccines, Americans delighted in seeing families coming together again to celebrate and reconnect.

What Will We Do Differently?

While we all tepidly approach our public lives again it’s time to pause a bit and ask what was learned during the pandemic.

At Craft LifeStyle Management we see children finally getting back into their parent’s homes. Grandchildren into grandparent homes and neighbors into older friend’s homes.

Some of what is found and reported is heartbreaking.

Real Life Story

Recently we were asked by an out-of-state family member to enter their father’s local home. Of course, they’d been frequently visiting with him via telephone during the pandemic since he was unable to manage other modern communications.

He always sounded good on the phone-laughing, joking and openly reporting what he’d eaten. He claimed he had no problem getting up and down the stairs and that his laundry was being done. Much laughter was had when he told a story about stained clothing from all of the cooking he’d been doing.

The out-of-state family had groceries delivered. A family friend about their dad’s age regularly checked on him by calling and driving by.

Everyone was doing their best to keep dad safe since he has cancer and COPD.

Here’s what was really going on during COVID times.

Dad lied. Or, perhaps didn’t want to alarm, or bother, anyone.

The Truth

The family received their vaccines and confirmed dad had his. “Yup, all taken care of.”

They came to visit-all excited to hug and see each other.

To their dismay and heartbreak, when they arrived at the family home, it was nothing like their anticipated “Norman Rockwell family gathering.”

It was pure sorrow.

He was not washing clothes or cleaning. He was depressed and lonely.

He was not eating well.

Sure, the groceries were delivered; however, he didn’t want to cook. Instead, he ate all processed food and snacks. Thank goodness he had access to these even if they were mostly unhealthy.

Dad was unable to get up and down the stairs where his bed was. Instead, he was sleeping, eating and basically surviving on the couch.

The family took him directly to the emergency room 40 minutes away. He was not admitted but was given liquids and sent home.

Outcome

Dad is now living with his out-of-state family. He is not happy about having to abruptly leave him home, causing another level of depression.

The family is trying their best to figure this out.

What Learned

  • Telephone calls, Zoom meetings and Facebook messages cannot take the place of in-person interactions. The pandemic highlighted the fact that many older people are not familiar, or comfortable, with the latest technology and struggle to make meaningful contact with loved ones.
  • Parents have a habit of sheltering their children from bad news.
  • There is an increased awareness of taking care of one’s mental health. Globally, the impact on mental health from the pandemic has been devastating. There will be no “normal” way to adjust and re-acclimate to life after the events of this past year. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll reported that up to 45 percent of adults experienced negative mental health effects due to the pandemic – and an even higher percentage in those who serve as family caregivers for older senior loved ones.
  • Retirees are experiencing a role reversal. During the pandemic parents were getting instructions from their children. “Don’t leave the house. Order groceries online. Watch church services on your computer, etc.” Many are trying to understand what these roles look like post pandemic.
  • Easing back into the real world can be hard. Regaining physical strength and emotional resilience are necessary to thrive in this new post pandemic world. Most were living in fear and isolation for so long it’s hard not to want to emerge fully confident and active. However, after months of inactivity and diet changes, and likely lost muscle mass, it’s best to take it slow to adjust to this still uncertain world.
  • Adult children gained insight about their own retirements and how they want to age. Where would they want to live during a pandemic? Are they financially prepared? Would they be able to support themselves in an economic downturn?
  • Families are discussing adapting their houses and lifestyle to have their parents share a home with them.
  • Senior-living industry is adapting to this upheaval, planning for the future. Some have moved isolation units to the main floor instead of upper floors, allowing for access to the outdoors for fresh air and sunshine. Many placed clear panels in doorways so residents could see and talk safely to visitors. Future buildings will likely have smaller groups of units in the building rather than several dozen units down a long hallway. Even the HVAC systems are being re-thought-circulating air over smaller areas. And, communal dining and group activities will now likely be reinvented and done in smaller groups.

©August 2021 Craft LifeStyle Management.

All Rights Reserved.

Written for Craft LifeStyle Management by Linda Leier Thomason.

Springtime Awakening

©Photo Credit: www.lindaleierthomason.com

2021 has gone by so quickly. The first quarter of the year is nearly over already.

So much attention is given to New Year’s Resolutions. A time of optimism and hope. A time to restart-to begin anew.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Personally, I’m not very good with following through on those resolutions. And, I hear I’m not alone. (Wink. Wink.)

I began 2020 calling it my year of “vision and clarity”. Well, it turned out it was more a year of seeing and watching how all of us would cope with and get through the unexpected COVID Pandemic.

We coped. We are strong souls.

For my Spring 2021 I’m calling it my “Plus One” – I still have the Vision and clarity but One Extra Bonus-We don’t have to do it alone!

Springtime Why

My personal favorite time of the year for awakening and recharging is Spring. It’s a beautiful season.

I love it when snow starts melting and the birds start chirping. I do love winter and the snow also; however, the anticipation of NEW fills me with energy, wonderment and excitement.

Each spring I look forward to watching the birds come back and make nests in the same places.

Witnessing new birth is awesome.

I enjoy seeing flowers start to bloom. I marvel at the critters scurrying around.

There is just a certain energy I receive from each of these wonders of seasonal transition.

©Photo Credit: www.lindaleierthomason.com

Remarkable 2021

Spring 2021 is remarkable after 2020’s spring when we were all rightfully fearful of the many COVID unknowns.

Thank goodness we were able to get outdoors during warmer days to social distance. But then cold weather came and we were stuck back inside.

Yet, we made it!

Here in the Midwest, we were rewarded for getting through 2020 and a harsh 2021 winter with such a beautiful first weekend of March.

Brilliant sunshine and warmer than normal temperatures felt like a reward for endurance. Right?

©Photo Credit: www.lindaleierthomason.com

Heartbreak & Hope

Winter 2021 presented us at Craft LifeStyle Management our share of sorrowful client stories and crisis clients – more intense than usual.

We have experienced unbelievable obstacles and nearly insurmountable challenges while finding a healing plan of action for our souls’ futures. Each needed our help more than ever.

Was it the long, cold winter with Covid that caused so much seclusion? Or, was it the pride of our elder clients who were telling their kids “we are fine,” but clearly weren’t?

Was it just coincidental timing when parents/grandparents, taking care of their special needs children, reached their limit and decided they can’t do it any longer?

We don’t know the answers. We never will.

We just know how to come up with solutions to efficiently solve so many safety, dignity and health concerns.

Granted some days are more challenging than others. But the Craft LifeStyle Management team keeps going until a solution for whatever the challenge is has been put in place.

That is who we are!

©Photo Credit: www.lindaleierthomason.com

Happy Springtime Hearts

Our greatest wish is that we could mend broken hearts.

Time always does heal.

It does seem to get easier when the days are longer and we can get outside to enjoy nature.

Some of our clients cannot get outdoors. Instead, we bring the fresh air and sunshine to them. We

  • Open a window
  • Bring a spring flower bouquet
  • Pull back the curtains
  • Place a bird feeder outside a window

Each little effort brings such a happy heart to all of us-givers and receivers.

And we can all see the beauty of this springtime season Mother Nature brings to us!

©Photo Credit: www.lindaleierthomason.com

Forever Spring

The Craft LifeStyle Management team is deeply appreciative of seeing light, hope and healing for each of the souls who came to us in crisis over Winter 2021.

We want it always to feel like “Spring” for them for whatever time they have left here on this earth.

I hope your 2021 spring feels more alive and healing than all of ours from 2020.

Gratitude, Always

As always, thank you for your trust and faith in our services. Please contact us Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com) when we can be of service to you and your loved ones.

Wishing you a springtime season of many good graces and blessings.

©March 2021. All rights reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Denise Craft @www.Craft LifeStyle Management.

5 Trusted Professionals You’ll Need as You Age

Independence, individualism and self-sufficiency are encouraged and admired in our country. There’s nothing wrong with any of these traits. Nor is there anything wrong with needing or seeking help at any stage of life.

The challenge arises with aging.

As our bodies and minds change it becomes apparent help is needed in multiple ways. Sometimes the suggestion of help is stubbornly refused. Actual help is rebuffed.

Letting go is not always easy.

Help may seem unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

We may need help in the business of our daily lives and/or with our healthcare. Either way, if you’ve forever been self-reliant, it can be a tough adjustment.

Denise’s Advice

“I can assure you from my 30+ years of experience working with adults making transitions in life that getting a trusted professional in each of the 5 categories below, sooner rather than later, is a very wise idea.”

Make the important decisions regarding your life and your affairs while you can.

Please reach out to us at Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com) if you need a referral in any of these areas.

We work with the best in each category and we never take a referral fee from them.

Here are the top 5 Professionals to have on your side as you age.

Geriatrician

A geriatrician is a primary care physician who specializes in the care and treatment of older adults.

Parents visit pediatricians for their specialized training and understanding of babies and young children. On the other end of the spectrum, geriatricians are also specially trained and have an understanding of the most advanced care available for older adults.

One of the best features of being cared for by a geriatrician is that they integrate your care. They are the central point for all of the other physician specialists you may need to see. They make the referrals, set the appointments and follow up with you. They are your primary doctor.

NOTE: There is a difference between a gerontologist and a geriatrician.

A geriatrician is a medical doctor. A gerontologist is a professional who specializes in the issues of aging. They may have a certificate of gerontology.

Make sure you seek the right professional for your needs. We can guide you. Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

Elder Law Attorney

An elder law attorney is one who advocates for the elderly and their loved ones.

Please put your affairs in order before it’s too late. It is always better to be prepared.

Not doing so leaves a tremendous burden on those you leave behind.

Here’s a sample of what you and your elder law attorney need to discuss:

  • Wills
  • Estate Planning
  • Powers of Attorney
  • Advance Directives
  • DNR or Do Not Resuscitate Orders
  • Guardianship or Conservatorship
  • Resource availability: VA Benefits, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc.

More Information:

What Does an Elder Law Attorney Do? – FindLaw

National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (naela.org)

Financial Advisor

This professional is helpful throughout your life but especially as you near retirement.

Financial advisors counsel on wealth management and personal money matters. They can assist with putting together a retirement savings plan and also address life insurance, real estate, debt payoff, and estate management.

Most financial advisors also work with your team of other professionals like attorneys and accountants to ensure your money is working in the best way for your needs.

There are many ways to work with a trusted financial advisor. Please reach out to us for trusted referrals. Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)

In Home Caregiver

As challenging as it is to ask for help with financial planning, medical care and legal advice, admitting you need help managing your life within your own home seems even more difficult for many seniors.

The best thing to do is make a list of tasks that you, or your loved one, seems to be struggling with. Some may include:

  • Personal hygiene like bathing, brushing teeth, toileting, putting on clean clothes, shaving, etc.
  • Mobility like taking neighborhood walks or even getting around inside the home.
  • Meal preparation. Everything from grocery shopping to the actual cooking.
  • Transportation needed for medical appointments and errands
  • Pet care including walking, taking to appointments, clean up, feeding, etc.
  • Housekeeping including laundry
  • Medicine management

Many services are available to assist in meeting all of these needs to help you or your loved one remain safely and easily in the home.

Contact us for assistance and referrals.

Transitional Specialists

This is what we are at Craft LifeStyle Management.

We transition clients into the right place, staying within their financial resources, the first time, all the time.

We advocate on your behalf in a timely and calm manner as we find you the most appropriate ‘home’ and level of care to fit your needs.

Click on this link What We Do – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com) to discover what we’ve been doing for clients for over 30 years at Craft LifeStyle Management.

HINT: Be sure to click on the + sign next to each category to get more information.

Please be prepared in life. “Be in Charge. Not in Crisis.”

These 5 professionals will help coach you so you can be at peace while aging. Of course, there are other professionals needed. Today, these are my top 5 for you to have on your team.

SHARE this with your family members and friends.

©February 2021. All rights reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

Denise Craft founded Craft Lifestyle Management in 1988 to ease the burden for families of aging, veterans, special needs adults and those in rehab during times of transition. She understands what’s involved in transitioning any individual from their personal home to their next home and to end of life. Her seasoned knowledge of available placement services, housing options, eligible benefits and payor sources, and community resources is endless. 


Please 
contact Craft LifeStyle Management for all of your transitional needs.

New Love after 60-It’s Possible

Everyone deserves LOVE.

Most folks desire a deep connection, including seniors who may still long for companionship and someone to fall in love with.

How to Find a New Love

How does one go about finding love again if (s)he hasn’t dated in decades?

Many will quickly advise using the Internet. In addition to safely using Internet dating sites, you may also like to try

  • Friends and Family Referrals-The often-dreaded blind dates.  Your friends and family know you best. Don’t automatically refuse. Try it. Take the stress off yourself by starting small. Meet for coffee or a stroll in a public park-an hour or less. You each decide afterwards if you want to spend more time together.
  • Neighborhood Socials-Don’t be a wallflower. Mix, smile and connect. Maybe you aren’t fond of groups. Ask a friend to join you but don’t hide behind him/her. Commit to talking with others. It’s quite possible you have a lot in common with your neighbors. HINT: During COVID many have been isolated. Perhaps you can start a driveway gathering where neighbors bring their own beverages and a lawn chair. Everyone social distances while being social. Connecting is always good for one’s soul, but especially during the Pandemic.
  • Church or Synagogue Activities-Join a small group and attend events.
  • Out and About at the dog park, coffee shop, museum, wine tastings, bookstore, theatre, gym, public park, etc. Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation. HINT: Today it’s okay for women to make the first move. Learn to flirt again. Remember, no one will come and ring your doorbell. You have to put some effort into making and keeping friends. Think about what your interests and hobbies are and then do them. Engage with your community. Read to children at the library. Volunteer in city parks. Build birdhouses for state parks. Just do something.
  • Past Connections-Social Media sites like LinkedIn and Facebook help make this so much easier today. Is there someone from your high school class who may have lost a spouse that you’d like to re-connect with? How about a former work colleague or a cousin? Find them online and start chatting. Or, pick up your telephone and call. They are likely to appreciate the reconnection as much as you do.
  • Internet Dating (Avoid the Sweetheart Scam) NCEA: Sweatheart Scam Fact Sheet (acl.gov)

Expectations

If you’re new to dating, here’s an article to read on what to expect when dating as a senior: What to Expect When Dating – Single Seniors, First Date Advice, Tips (aarp.org)

Receive Love

Remember, LOVE is not only received from another adult.

Children, grandchildren and friends are also sources of companionship, deep love and meaningful connection.

HINT: Don’t always expect your children and grandchildren to call first. Make the effort to reach out and stay connected. You are happy to hear from them when they call. It’s the same the other way around too.

Pets also make great companions if you have the ability and time to care for them. HINT: If you have a dog, it’s a great reason to go to the dog park and meet other owners.

And, remember, being in love and having companionship may result in a happier and healthier life.

Can love help you live longer? – CBS News

You are worthy of LOVE regardless of age.

LOVE Yourself. LOVE others.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the Craft LifeStyle Management Team.

©February 2021. All rights reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.


Denise Craft founded Craft Lifestyle Management in 1988 to ease the burden for families of aging, veterans, special needs adults and those in rehab during times of transition. She understands what’s involved in transitioning any individual from their personal home to their next home and to end of life. Her seasoned knowledge of available placement services, housing options, eligible benefits and payor sources, and community resources is endless. 


Please 
contact Craft LifeStyle Management for all of your transitional needs.

Elderly Hoarders: 5 Compassionate Ways to Help

Excessive Treasures or Junk?

To you it’s clutter. To them, they’re valuables. Maybe treasures.

The sight of ‘junk’ blocking hallways and piling up in each room disgusts you.

Stacks of paper everywhere cause worry about fire hazards.

The odor sickens you. You gag. Gasp. Cry.

You’re Angry! You have been here in this exact place so many times.

You’re embarrassed, and maybe even ashamed, that your parents live here. They ‘caused’ this.

Both parties agree you own “excessive treasures.”

You’ve stopped visiting as the piles of treasures began growing.

Your children, their grandchildren, have never visited.

You deem their home unsafe, and them unstable.

You beg, hope and pray for it to stop and to go away.

It doesn’t.

They remain socially isolated and lonely in what you call squalor.

Hoarding Disorder

Hoarding Disorder is a clinical diagnosis.

Did you know that up to 1 in 20 of the elderly have tendencies that are consistent with hoarding? 

A study by researchers at Johns Hopkins revealed that about 4% of the population as a whole shows hoarding behavior, but that percentage goes up to 6.2 in people over 55.

It has emotional, physical, and even financial or legal implications.

Hoarding can have a devastating impact on older adults:

  • Risk for falling: Will emergency workers be able to reach them after a fall, or anytime?
  • Poor hygiene: Is the bathtub/shower full of papers or empty bags?
  • Fires, mold and mildew in the home
  • Poor nutrition: Spoiled food can cause foodborne illness
  • Rodents and insects in the home
  • Utilities. Air conditioning, heat and running water. Are they turned off? The freezing cold is as dangerous as the heat.
  • Other medical problems, including depression

It can also indicate the presence of Alzheimer’s, dementia or mental illness.

5 Ways to Help Elderly Hoarders

1. Join them for a medical evaluation

Since hoarding is almost always connected to mental health or other health condition, it’s likely your parent may need professional help. Schedule a full medical evaluation for them and then go to the appointment and any follow-up visits. Learn if their hoarding behavior is caused by dementia, Alzheimer’s or other condition. If not, psychiatric care may be needed.

Denise Craft of Craft Lifestyle Management, who has worked for over 30 years with elderly hoarders, says all hoarders have a “dis-ease” of the soul from this learned behavior.

2. Start small and make it a special event

Acknowledge that the process of decluttering your parent’s home is going to be hard and require a ton of patience. Bring a good attitude and try to make it conflict-free. Perhaps you can call it “Memories Monday” or “Super Saturday.”

Remember, every single item, down to the scraps of paper, IS important to them.

Agree you’re going to stick to a weekly calendared date and identify which room will be worked on for each date.

For instance, start in the bathroom and remove expired medications and old make-up. Or the stairways where you remove stacks of papers and shoes, etc.

Be sure to acknowledge their ability to let go of these items, many hazardous to their well-being. Keep in mind, each item they’re willing to discard takes a lot out of them and may be considered a victory. Show them they can do it, together. And, of course, never start decluttering without the owner’s cooperation.

3. Sort with a System

Remember, you’re coming into their home causes stress and chaos in their already chaotic life. They may feel threatened and find many excuses not to proceed. Be gentle, kind, compassionate and always patient.

In addition to identifying the day of the week for sorting and decluttering, also set up areas where sorted items will be placed:

  • Charitable donations
  • Valuables and keepsakes
  • Trash

It does not help the soul to contribute to the hoarding behavior by agreeing to rent a storage unit for your parent during this sorting and decluttering process.

There are ways to negotiate with them on this specific topic.

Keep the focus on their safety and your concern for them.

4. Acknowledge sentimental items

Many hoarders hang on to items because they consider them unique and irreplaceable, attaching great sentimental value to the item.

Listen to the story and/or the memory of the item. Ensure it doesn’t have great monetary value. If not, suggest taking a photo of the item to keep the memory alive rather than keeping the item. Again, be patient. This process takes time and assurance.

5. Hire an outside company

Sometimes the clutter and the family dynamics and emotions are too much for loved ones to handle.

Walking into this environment can cause ‘paralysis’ Not knowing where, or how, to begin.

Craft Lifestyle Management has been assisting families in these situations for three decades.

Contact us. http://www.craftlifestylemgt.com

We are trained and experienced in handling excessive treasure situations with care and compassion for both your loved one and you.

Learn More:

Definition of late life compulsive hoarding:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4083761/

What is hoarding disorder?

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/hoarding-disorder/what-is-hoarding-disorder

© June 2020. Craft LifeStyle Management. All Rights Reserved.

Written by Linda Leier Thomason for Craft LifeStyle Management.

Denise Craft founded Craft Lifestyle Management in 1988 to ease the burden for families of aging, veterans, special needs adults and those in rehab during times of transition. She has a special place in her heart for those who collect excessive treasures.  She understands the conflict hoarding often causes within families and frequently mediates the process with and for them. If you have a loved one who collects excessive treasures and you need assistance, please contact Denise at Craft Lifestyle Management http://craftlifestylemgt.com/contact/.