“There’s more to life than being a passenger.”-Amelia Earhart.
Kallan Christman, a Clark, South Dakota native and New York City resident, perfectly epitomizes her aviator idol’s quote.
This 29-year-old natural red head and pilot has taken many paths in life, usually in unconventional and out-of-the-ordinary ways.
Kallan & her strongest influencers: Parents Wendy & Rodney.
Rural Influences & Mentors
An active Future Farmers of America (FFA) member, Callan enjoyed building, participating and leading. She credits instructor and FFA advisor Greg Janisch, as well as her parents, for making her feel that neither her small community upbringing nor her gender would ever hold her back. “Janisch knew how to direct my misplaced energy and turn it into something successful.”
“My parents encouraged me to love thy neighbor, try new things and take everything as it comes. They’ve supported all my crazy dreams and ambitions from day one.”
Growing up on a farm Kallan learned no job is gender specific. “I was encouraged and expected to fix fences, work cattle and mow hay. I was never raised to think women shouldn’t or couldn’t be doing those things.”
Being raised on a farm also taught her to keep going when things get tough. “My parents couldn’t give up whenever there was a speedbump. We had to keep the operation running even if it didn’t rain, if we lost a calf or maybe when the markets weren’t in our favor.”
She took these examples with her throughout her journey of getting to the airlines.
“I believed I could do anything I set my mind to.”
Not a Straight Line to Becoming a Pilot
Kallan easily admits her journey to becoming a commercial airline pilot was not a straight line. In fact, she says if she could change anything about her life it would be earlier and greater exposure to career opportunities.
“It would’ve been nice to be exposed to the opportunity of aviation and to know it was a career option.”
Instead, she graduated from Northern State University (NSU) in 2016 with a music education degree. “I was raised in a musical family. It was something that made sense to me and helped me find a ‘category’ I belonged to.”
Attending her best friend’s flight attendant graduation in Minneapolis changed her life’s path. “Hearing them talk about the job, the benefits and all the travel piqued my attention.”
Flight Attendant
She shifted her career focus and became a flight attendant for just under 5 years, loving it. Kallan worked a lot of international flights, especially appreciating layovers, particularly in Scotland, Iceland and England.
“I’ve been to over 30 countries because of this job. I’ve eaten so many kinds of food, met so many people from all over the world and saw landscapes I could only have dreamt about as a young girl in South Dakota.”
What’s not so great is mean passengers. “Passenger aggression has got out of hand. People are attacking flight attendants and mistreating fellow passengers as well. It is very concerning to me because flying used to be such a fun and exciting experience. The lack of humanity is truly surprising.”
Pilot
Kallan’s curiosity and belief that gender is not a barrier to career success spawned quickly in her aviation career. About 18 months into being a flight attendant, she took a discovery flight to learn about the pilot side of things. The mix of adventure, challenge and pay intrigued her.
She also had the chance to enter the flight deck on an unoccupied plane being repositioned at the airport. There she got to see what happens on the other side of the door and why pilots loved flying.
“It was such an amazing experience to see what made that big tube fly. I was instantly interested and had a newfound appreciation.”
Kallan quickly learned becoming a pilot takes both a lot of time and money. Seldom do those exist simultaneously.
She worked full-time as a flight attendant while getting her ratings.
“Figuring out how to make time to take flight lessons was also quite the hurdle.”
There were many steps involved in being able to fly a commercial airline, each achieved at a south St. Paul, MN aviation school.
All steps required a written test, oral exam and a flight test portion.
Private Pilot
Instrument Pilot
Single Engine Commercial Pilot
Certified Flight Instructor
Certified Flight Instructor Instrument
Multi Engine Commercial Pilot, add on
Airline Transport Pilot
It took Kallan 4 months to attain her private pilot’s license and from zero hours to an airline pilot was just under 4 years.
Passing these tests to fly a commercial airline is Kallan’s proudest moment in life to date.
Pilot Role Model
Kallan & 1st female captain she flew with.
Kallan’s personal goal in aviation is to have a lifelong career of big airlines and cool destinations while sharing them with her family and friends.
But she also understands that she is a role model, especially to young girls. “The best part of being a female aviator is that moment when a little girl come onboard, sees me sitting in the flight deck, turns to her parents and says, “Look, a lady pilot!” Sometimes I feel like maybe it sparked interest in another future female pilot.”
“I encourage all women who have an interest to give aviation a try.”
An annual Girls in Aviation Day is held in Eden Prairie, MN where different airlines, flight schools and military pilots come and give young girls a chance to see the variety of career opportunities in aviation.
You Can Take the Girl Out of the Country…
Kallan has enjoyed exploring and living in every city she’s been assigned to, thus far. She quietly reveals, “New York City doesn’t quite have the Midwest manners thing down yet.”
Also, if tomorrow she stepped away from aviation, she’d circle back to the beginning.
“I would ranch and train horses because I love animals more than anything.”
In the meantime,
LISTEN.
She’s probably playing one of her beloved instruments: piano, guitar, ukulele or saxophone.
At first glance her beautiful smile, captivating eyes and photogenic dog grab attention. What’s likely missed is the wheelchair 25-year-old Bismarck, North Dakota resident Alissa is seated in.
And that’s just the way she likes it.
“Don’t judge. We all have challenges no matter what we look like. We can overcome them.”
People sometimes assume Alissa has mental challenges or is incapable of having a job because she’s in a wheelchair.
Both assumptions are wrong.
Alissa is many things.
Incapable is not one of them.
She’s a daughter, a sister to six siblings, including a twin brother; a 4-H alum, the 2016 Strasburg, ND High School valedictorian, a 2019 Northern State University (Aberdeen, South Dakota) Homecoming Queen, an aunt, accomplished cook and spouse to Nathan, whom she met in college.
She’s gainfully employed and will receive a Master’s Degree in Social Work (MSW) from Ohio State University’s online program in August 2023.
“I hope to be a case manager or counselor for others with barriers to be successful in their communities. I realize my life could be so much different. I’m fortunate not to have mental health issues. I want to be a resource for those with limitations.”
Diagnosis
Alissa was a 12-year-old sixth grader when a genetic test confirmed her diagnosis: Friedreich’s ataxia (FA).
FA is a rare inherited neuromuscular condition causing progressive damage to one’s nervous system and movement problems, eventually resulting in wheelchair use. FA can also affect the heart.
It does NOT affect cognitive abilities like thinking and reasoning.
Symptoms generally begin between ages 5 and 15 years of age, although sometimes they appear after age 25.
“I was scared when my parents and I heard this. I remember us all crying. We’d experienced my brother Nathan, who’s 10 years older, struggle as his identical disorder progressed. I didn’t want my parents to feel guilty for my diagnosis.”
Even today she can’t imagine being a parent and having to tell a child they have a life threatening disease and may never get better.
She attended physical therapy twice weekly to slow the progression.
Alissa’s disorder was monitored regularly and she was part of several medical trials at the University of Iowa.
As the FA progressed during her high school years, Alissa felt isolated in her rural North Dakota community. “I sensed I was the only one who was different.”
Changes happened at home and at school.
She could no longer help her family with outdoor chores. Instead, she became more responsible for household chores like cooking and cleaning. She had to stop showing animals in 4-H and eventually quit the club.
Nathan and Alissa were the only students with disabilities at school. To accommodate them, railings were placed in hallways for her to grab while walking. Stairs were converted into ramps and because the lunch room required walking stairs, Alissa’s meal was brought to her in a separate room, adding to the feeling of extreme isolation.
Alissa had an Individual Education Program (IEP) allowing her to take notes on her iPad and receive physical therapy every week. But she had to watch classmates during gym class because there were no adaptive options. Again, extremely isolating.
She was able to maintain her strength and walk until she went to college.
Independence
Alissa bucked family preferences by choosing NSU. “I wanted to attend college where I wasn’t known as another student’s twin or ‘that girl that can’t walk.’” Other selection criteria included being far enough away to discourage going home every weekend but close enough to be able to go there on long breaks.
In other words, Alissa wanted to start anew and be more independent by choosing her own friends and hobbies. She also had to become her own best advocate and became familiar with disability services there.
At this point Alissa had an electric chair helping her navigate campus. Her strength remained and she continued to exercise regularly. In class she was allowed to do all her notes and testing online with extra time since her dexterity slowed.
She was an active collegiate.
As a member of the NSU Honors Program she presented her thesis, “Depression and Perfectionism in People with Friedreich’s Ataxia” at the National Honors Convention in New Orleans and was a peer mentor for the TRIO program, which provides additional support for college freshmen. “I found myself caring about helping students with barriers be successful.” She was twice voted the mentor who exemplified an ideal role model.
She graduated in 3 1/2 years.
Alissa and Nathan.
Acceptance
Alissa admits accepting this diagnosis hasn’t always been easy. “I cry a lot.”
Initially when FA didn’t affect her much, she enjoyed the attention. “It gave me an excuse to not do something I didn’t want to do.”
Today she knows she’s going through stages of grief whenever she loses the ability to do something. “I get quite frustrated when I need help with simple things that used to be easy for me, like picking an item up off the floor, using the oven, or when I fall getting out of bed.”
Alissa doesn’t drive. Her reaction time is too slow. “It’s the most frustrating thing about my disability. Having to rely on other people sucks, no matter how much support you have.”
“Everyone always tells me I’m so positive. I tell them I try to be, but I have bad days too. There are days I feel sorry for myself or jealous of others. I wouldn’t be who I am today without my diagnosis, but I try not to let it define me. I try to find a way to do most things I enjoy. I have so much love and support from others. I want to use my diagnosis for good and know that God has a plan for me.”
Her favorite quotes inspire and motivate her to remain positive. “I see your pain, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and its bigger.” “Just because she carries it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”
Today
She’s working full-time but lacks the energy to work out to maintain her strength. It’s her belief the disease has progressed at a quicker pace in the past few years.
Alissa is eager to start taking the drug as soon as it’s available, again commuting to Iowa to see the nearest specialist. In the meantime, she continues to have her heart monitored regularly. “There isn’t much any doctor can do.”
Future
North Dakota winters can be difficult for Alissa. Ideally, she and her Washington native husband would like to live in either Arizona or Washington. She craves being outside in nature more often and deeply misses swimming, walking, hiking and biking.
Many women with FA have children and someday Alissa hopes she can experience being a mom too. However, she’s realistic about the challenges and responsibilities of caring for children, especially newborns.
There is a lot to consider regarding family planning. “I can’t be on medications that prevent this disease progression while I’m pregnant.” So, for now, she and Nathan are enjoying the aunt and uncle life.
Alissa envisions herself advocating for others because she knows how difficult it can be while appreciating how truly blessed her life has been with healthy mental health.
Wishes
As for what she wishes for other than a cure for this condition, Alissa keeps it practical: a day of shopping and getting her nails done and then adds, “I’d love to go on a vacation with my husband to Disney or on a cruise. Both of those destinations are accessible.”
We live in a multi-tasking, electronics communications, distracted world. Who doesn’t scroll through social media or the Internet while watching TV or resting in bed? Or, send a group email or text to quickly communicate?
We’ve become programmed to believe that if we aren’t always doing or going something bad will happen, or we will miss something. Competition will get ahead of or ruin us. We’ll miss the latest sports or news (or gossip) update. Worse yet. No one will know our thoughts, opinions or concerns in a short-hand, emoji way.
I’m here to suggest we pause a moment.
Let’s bring the focus back to relationships and communication.
Photo Credit: Linda Leier Thomason
April is National Card and Letter Writing Month. That’s right. The U.S. Postal Service officially designated April as National Card and Letter Writing Month in 2001 “to raise awareness of the importance and historical significance of card and letter writing.” Yes! That old-fashioned, heart-warming thing that rarely appears in one’s mailbox anymore: a handwritten letter or card.
Card and letter writing requires a pen, a nice piece of stationery or a card, a stamp, an envelope, and sometimes a sticker. More importantly, it requires focus and attention.
Sending a note or card means you paused your life. You slowed down enough to capture your thoughts and feelings and reflect on the love and appreciation you have for another.
Receiving handwritten letters screams, “Somebody cares!” A handwritten letter, rather than an email or text, is written specifically for the receiver. It creates an intimate exchange.
What Letter Writing Does
Awakens often dormant penmanship and writing skills.
Records moments in history.
Crosses time. Unique handwriting instantly helps one recall the person who wrote and sent the letter and the feelings upon initially receiving the correspondence. It allows us to reminisce and be comforted.
Leaves a legacy.
Becomes a story-telling time capsule.
Marks where our lives have been and with whom we’ve shared them.
Sentimental Treasures
Notecards and letters are the sentimental items that are most often kept and treasured. They are re-read and cherished. Usually when Craft LifeStyle Management is transitioning a client from location to location, these are the boxes or ribbon, or rubber banded items held dearest to the client’s hearts. They mean something, as do the words conveyed within.
At Craft LifeStyle Management we feel the same way. We treasure each and every heartfelt note of gratitude and appreciation we’ve ever received. We save them and look at them. They mean something.
To Do
During this month, I encourage you to make at least one person’s day by pausing the busyness of your life and writing that person a heartfelt letter. Maybe you write to a grandparent or parent. Perhaps it’s your child or grandchild. Or a teacher or professional who made a profound positive impact on your life. Let them know how grateful you are that they are in your life. Let them know you think of them often.
Feels Good
Emailing, texting and social media are here to stay. However, nothing replaces the enjoyment and sentiment of a handwritten card or letter. It just feels good getting one. Honestly, it feels good writing one too.
March is Spiritual Wellness Month. It’s a great time to remember we are not just a physical body. Each of us also has an inner life consisting of our mind and spirit.
It is said that the healthiest among us understand this important link between the mind and body. These people practice spiritual wellness daily as they work to relate to the world around them and discover purpose and meaning in their life. They are clear about the values, ethics and morals guiding their life and giving meaning and direction to it.
Photo Credit: Linda Leier Thomason
What is Spirituality?
Many associate spirituality with religious beliefs. But some people are spiritual without being religious. How? Well, every person has their own spiritual preferences. Some pray in a traditional way or take prayer walks or do prayer dances. Others meditate and reflect, or use crystal healing.
Whatever way you choose to define and practice spirituality, the common denominator is recognition of something greater than us that connects each of us to something good. This something greater is often referred to as a “higher power” or “superior being.”
There is no “one size fits all” way to nurture your spiritual well-being. Find a way that works best for you. And, if Craft LifeStyle Management can guide your journey, please contact us. Contact – Craft Lifestyle Management (craftlifestylemgt.com)
8 Spiritual Wellness Activities
Get outdoors. Connecting with nature in whatever way you enjoy (walking, biking, canoeing, rock climbing, etc.) improves spiritual health. Try to spend time outside daily.
Volunteer. In addition to helping others, volunteering provides a feeling of accomplishment. Find a cause you care about: Mentorship, Food Bank, Pet Shelter, Highway Litter Clean-Up, Refugees, etc. There’s a bonus: You can meet others who share your interests.
Write in a Journal Start recording your life events and feelings. Jot what you’re grateful for daily. Write down your dreams, fears and anxieties. Release them. A side-benefit of this-you’re bound to become more self-aware.
Turn Off Electronics. Be present. Turn off the TV, computer and telephone. Focus on yourself, your friends, family and partner. Make time for relaxing in your day.
Pause social media. It’s great to stay updated on family and friends lives but not if it creates feelings of jealousy, anger, resentment or sadness. Take a vacation from it and learn to appreciate your life rather than compare your life to others.
Go on a Retreat. Take some time away from your normal routine and find a place where you will feel at peace. Some churches offer retreat centers, but this could also be the beach, mountains, a state park, or a hotel. Use this time to look within and create, or update, a vision and purpose for your life. Sort of like one does in the workplace.
Think Positively & Live in Harmony. Keep a positive, upbeat attitude. Be hopeful and committed to your beliefs and principles. Decide to live each day in harmony. Align your vision, purpose and guiding principles in every area of your life including social, career or business.
Look for Deeper Meanings. Connect with Like-Minded People.Perhaps this is in a religious community or civic organization. Find those who share your ideas and thoughts. This connection can be online, in person or over the phone. Engage in fellowship and meaningful conversations and connections.
Risk of Not Searching for Meaning & Purpose
Use this month dedicated to Spiritual Wellness to examine your systems of faith, beliefs, values, ethics, principles and morals.
It all sounds sort of deep. However, the downside of not pausing and doing this self-reflection is going through life repeating the same tasks, activities and interactions without understanding the purpose and meaning of your life.
How Will You Celebrate Spiritual Wellness Month?
Do something fun that makes you feel connected to your life’s purpose.
I’m unapologetic to those who see me as a “weirdo” or “not acting her age.”
I regularly shoot basketball. I’ve earned a free throw championship trophy. 🏀
I believe I was the first girl in my high school to compete in the NFL Punt Pass and Kick competition. 🏈 (After 56 years, the program terminated in 2017.)
I sneak onto football fields and kick balls through uprights, missing most, but not quitting. In this 2021 season, however, my record may be greater than a lot of collegiate and NFL kickers. Just sayin’.
I’m known to show up on tennis courts with my vintage Bjorn Borg headband slicing balls and hitting forehand winners.
My garage is where you’ll find me viciously whipping a hula hoop around my midriff waiting for it to drop around my ankle so I can joyfully skip over it as it spins near the concrete, only to get spun up around my knees.
Anymore, I spend hours, sometimes days, recovering from these activities.
I don’t care.
Each brings me great joy and definitely feeds my intense competitiveness.
I admit I’m not outstanding at any one particular sport. It’s not for a lack of trying. I give each my all. My all, that is, I can squeeze out of an ever-shrinking frame that on my best days was five feet tall.
Put Me in Coach or Give Me Your Book
I’ve always been athletic and followed sports, at every level.
If given a career do-over, I’d work my way into a sports league office and lend my talents to growing the brand.
Over time I’ve absorbed all I can from coaches who’ve recorded and published their beliefs, practices and principles in books.
In my opinion, the greatest coaches are not always the most widely known coaches.
To me, the best coaches excel not only in the technical aspects of a particular sport or game but also in developing good citizens.
To date it’s one of the most read posts in my website’s history.
Here are five additional coaches I’ve studied and admired, and if they’d ever agree to sit down to a chat with me, I’d be there.
Phil Jackson
He has been called the greatest NBA coach of all time, and with a league-record 11 championships (13 if you count his time as a player), it’s hard to dispute that claim.
Introducing fellow North Dakotan and Virgo, Phil Jackson.
Coach Jackson is a thinker and philosophizer. Some refer to him as “Zen Master.”
Early Years
He was born on September 17, 1945 in Deer Lodge, Montana but grew up with his fundamentalist evangelical preacher parents, who had sworn an oath of poverty, in Williston, ND. There he was a standout basketball player and led his team to two state titles.
He played collegiately for the University of North Dakota (UND) studying philosophy and religion. Phil also took courses in accounting, business and law. He was known for his left-handed hook shot that helped him average 27.4 points per game in his senior year.
New York Knicks
Phil graduated in 1967. He was the second-round draft choice for the New York Knicks and was instrumental in leading that team to an NBA championship in 1973.
He officially retired as a basketball player in 1980.
Three summers he returned to UND for graduate school earning 26 credit hours in psychology.
Holistic Approach
During those summers, Coach Phil started to build the foundation of his holistic coaching philosophy blending meditation, Eastern philosophy and native American spiritual practices – an approach that created one of the most successful professional basketball coaches of all time.
Details
Every year of his 20-year coaching career (nine years with the Chicago Bulls and 11 years with the LA Lakers), his teams made the NBA playoffs, winning 11 championship titles.
Coach Phil still holds the highest win percentage of any Hall of Fame coach. (He was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in 2007.)
He’s coached some legendary players like Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls and Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers.
Along with his NBA-record 11 championships, he is the only coach to win at least 10 championships in any of North America’s major professional sports.
Phil retired from coaching in 2011 and joined the New York Knicks as an executive in March 2014, where he was president until 2017.
Rough Rider Award & Author
He has authored 9 books about his teams and his basketball strategies. The most recent, “Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success,” was published in 2014.
Phil was presented the Theodore Roosevelt Rough Rider Award, bestowed upon prominent North Dakotans, in 1992. His portrait and plaque hang in the state Capitol in Bismarck with other past Rough Rider Award winners, such as one-time baseball home run king Roger Maris, bandleader Lawrence Welk, singer Peggy Lee and UND’s eighth president Tom Clifford.
He makes North Dakotans proud, including me.
Question: Do tell. 😉 Did you play a role in the Boston Celtics team’s planes being grounded at LAX after game 5 during the 2008 championship series? The Lakers arrived in Boston well before the Celtics after two alleged plane malfunctions. FYI: Boston won the series 4-2 in Boston.
Dan Gable
I was raised in the wrestling community of Napoleon, North Dakota. My brothers wrestled.
Our high school, NHS, won 13 state Class B wrestling championships between 1975 and 2007.
Wrestling seems to follow me. I even married someone obsessed with wrestling, but the pro-wrestling kind, like WWE. Our son is equally infatuated. Time will tell if our now 3-month-old grandson will follow in their footsteps.
He also won gold at the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich, not giving up a point. In fact, it’s widely known that the Soviets came to those games with one intention-to beat Dan Gable. It never happened.
Gable joined the in-state rivals, Iowa Hawkeyes, coaching staff in 1972, assisting head coach and Hall of Famer Gary Kurdelmeier until taking over the program in 1976 until 1997, 21 years.
The University of Iowa all-time winningest coach had an untouchable career, winning 15 NCAA team titles from 1976-1997, compiling a career record of 355-21-5.
He also was the head coach for three Olympic teams (1980, 1984, 2000) and six world teams.
Awards
Gable has been named to several Halls of Fame including but not limited to the USA Wrestling Hall of Fame, the US Olympic Hall of Fame, the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Stillwater, OK and is the name sake of the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Dan Gable Museum in Waterloo, IA. National Wrestling Hall of Fame – Visit (nwhof.org)
He was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom on December 8, 2020 by President Donald Trump.
Today Coach Gable is a sought-after speaker living in Iowa City, Iowa.
One of my favorite Gable quotes is: “Gold medals aren’t really made of gold. They’re made of sweat, determination and a hard-to-find alloy called guts.”
Questions: What is your honest opinion on girls now competing in wrestling? What did it take within yourself to recover from the backlash of coaching at Iowa after being recognized as one of Iowa State’s most outstanding athletes?
Amy Williams
Source: Omaha World Herald
I took notice of Coach Amy Williams while our son was a student at the University of South Dakota (USD). She is a Spearfish, SD native and was the women’s head basketball coach in Vermillion. Her understated midwestern toughness and grit was a delight to watch.
Williams spent four successful seasons at NCAA Division I USD (2013-2016) and led the Coyote women to four straight postseason appearances while compiling a 96-44 record with the Coyotes.
In 2016, Williams guided USD to a 32-6 record, winning the Women’s National Invitation Tournament (WNIT) Championship on April 2, 2016. The Coyotes had won the Summit League title outright with a 15-1 record, losing only to in-state rival South Dakota Jackrabbits 61-55 in the Summit League Championship game.
She was named the Summit League Coach of the Year for two consecutive seasons: 2015 and 2016.
USD to UNL
I wasn’t the only one watching Coach Williams.
The University of Nebraska Lincoln, her alma mater also was. She was named the Huskers women’s basketball head coach on April 11, 2016.
Again, her program building skills are being noticed and rewarded.
She was named Big Ten Coach-of-the-Year in 2018 after leading the nation’s biggest turnaround. Her team earned a bid into the 2018 NCAA Tournament and finished with a 21-11 record-a national-leading 14-game turnaround in the win column over 2016-17.
Her Beginning
Williams was an academic All-Big 12 honoree while at UNL (Amy Gusso), earning a bachelor’s degree in biology and mathematics in 1998. She earned a master’s degree in sports administration in 2002 from Nebraska-Kearney, where she began her coaching career as a graduate assistant from 1998-2000.
She and her husband Lloyd, a former collegiate coach and player, have two daughters.
Questions: Who were your career role models as a young athlete? You’d originally wanted to be a medical doctor. Did you have any athletes as role models? You and Lloyd have two daughters. What is the biggest difference you see in their athletic lives from yours?
Mike Tomlin
I’m not saying I’m a Pittsburgh Steelers’ fan, though I can rattle off legions of past players who’ve been on their roster, but I am a huge Coach Mike Tomlin fan.
Michael (Mike) Pettaway Tomlin began his coaching career as a defensive back coach with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2001 before becoming the Steelers head coach in 2007.
He led the team to nine playoff runs, seven division titles, three American Football Conference championship games, two Super Bowl appearances, and one title in Super Bowl XLIII. The Steelers defeated the Arizona Cardinals.
He is the youngest head coach, to date, to win the Super Bowl at age 36.
Role Model & Coach
I’ve never been in their locker room. However, I suspect his players respect him. He seems to have their backs. He’s a player’s coach. One who advocates for players while they excel for him. Neither quits on the other.
I’ve watched him over and over again treat men like men. Playing football is a job. He’s the boss! I suspect he’s also a tremendous role model, setting good examples for players.
Tomlin married fellow William and Mary athlete (gymnast) Kiya Winston in 1996 two weeks after graduation. She is the founder and customer designer in her own fashion company: Kiya Tomlin. Comfortable & Stylish Womens Clothing | Kiya Tomlin Fashion They are the proud parents of two sons and a daughter.
Questions: You have two young sons. If they ask you if they should pursue a career in football, what is the most honest answer you’d give them without defaulting to “whatever makes you happy and fulfilled son” answer. If you hadn’t pursued a career in football, what job would you likely be doing today?
Russ Rose
Source: ESPN
Statistician
Coach Rose caught my attention when we were relocated to Omaha, Nebraska. Many nights we tune into Nebraska Public TV to watch women’s volleyball matches. None are usually more competitive than when Coach Rose brings his Penn State Nittany Lions to play the Nebraska Huskers-a team to beat in the world of women’s college volleyball.
Coach Rose’s sideline behavior was, let’s say, classic. Here sat a quietly confident white-haired older gentleman with an upright clipboard. He was constantly jotting notes. Soon I discovered he was the head coach keeping match statistics. Later I learned of his impeccable credentials. I was so impressed. I remain so.
Penn State Story
The following was taken from the Penn State Women’s Volleyball Page. It was so well researched and written, I included it.
It’s been over four decades since Russ Rose, age 68, arrived on campus in Happy Valley. His name has become synonymous with the pride and tradition of the storied Penn State women’s volleyball program. He’s in his 43rd season as head coach of arguably the nation’s most elite women’s volleyball program. His record-setting seven NCAA national titles and 17 Big Ten championships speak directly to the confidence and character he’s passed along throughout his career.
Few have come close to matching Rose’s impressive win total, as he’s collected victories at a staggering pace. Never having posted less than 22 wins in a fully-completed season, his 1,309 career wins heading into the 2021 season rank first all-time among NCAA DI head coaches.
Accomplishments
Along with 17 Big Ten titles, his program is the only women’s volleyball school to compete in all 40 NCAA Division I Women’s Volleyball National Championship events. He’s produced multiple Olympians, four AVCA National Players of the Year, 14 Big Ten Players of the Year and at least one AVCA All-American in 41 of 42 complete seasons.
Those who know Rose, know about the tremendous impact he has made in the volleyball community, not only in Pennsylvania, but across the country.
Rose led Penn State to its first national championship in 1999, before returning to capture the title in four consecutive seasons from 2007-2010. Along the way, Rose picked up three AVCA National Coach of the Year honors and five Big Ten Coach of the Year awards, while also earning a spot in the AVCA Hall of Fame at the end of the 2007 season.
Following the 2013 championship and the program’s 16th Big Ten title, Rose earned his fifth career AVCA National Coach of the Year Honor. From 2007-2010, Rose guided the Nittany Lions on their unprecedented and historic run of 109 victories, which included back-to-back 38-0 seasons in 2008 and 2009.
Teacher of Coaches
Throughout his career, Rose has been called on to share his expertise with coaches and players who represent the United States in International competition. He’s also an active clinician, traveling around both the United States and other parts of the world to share his vast knowledge of the game.
A 1975 graduate of George Williams College, Rose was a member of the school’s 1974 NAIA national championship team and captain of the 1975 squad. Upon graduation, he remained at George Williams as a part-time coach, helping the women’s team to a pair of state titles and a sixth-place finish at the national level.
Thesis on Statistics. Sideline Behavior Makes Sense
In 1978, he earned his master’s degree from the University of Nebraska, while also serving as a defensive coach for the women’s team. While writing his thesis on volleyball statistics, he led the second team to a two-year varsity mark of 52-5.
A 2013 Penn State Honorary Alumni honoree, Rose married Lori Barberich, a former three-time All-American at Penn State in 1986. The two are the parents of four sons, Jonathan, Michael, Christopher and Nicholas.
Questions: Tell me something about Nebraska Women’s Volleyball coach, John Cook, that no one else knows. Perhaps something from a Big 10 Conference coach meeting, or the like. What activities or events will fill up your first year of retirement?
I suspect I may have a part three to this post. On my desk I have a list of other coaches I’m going to continue to study. Coaches like Fred Hoiberg, Bob McKillop, Rick Pitino, Chris Beard, John Cook, Mick Cronin, Ed Orgeron, Doc Rivers, Todd Golden, Tony Bennett, Matt Campbell, Kyle Kempt, and Tony Dungy.
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Is there a coach you’d like to know more about? Or, one I should know?
Jot the name in the comment section below. And, watch for future posts on coaches I admire.
As a reader and a writer, this reveal is not too surprising.
I study how words flow together and often applaud an author’s creative genius.
I ponder the intended meaning and am acutely aware of my reaction to the message.
When I pause to capture great messages, it’s usually because they meet a former marketing boss’s dictate: If it doesn’t fit on a matchbook cover, start over.
Words can be inspirational. Often, they are humorous. Sometimes they invoke sadness or create awareness.
Traveling adds a localism to words.
Localism in Words
Here are words I captured on our travels. Perhaps these 12 messages reflected in photographs will inspire you, or add humor or meaning to your day.
“Um”, long pause, “Where are we again?” On Wharf Street seated at a restaurant patio.
When in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada do as the locals do. Answer, “yes,” and order a beer flight paddle at the Milestones Grill + Bar. milestones (milestonesrestaurants.com)
This provoking question headlined the menu. At our table, it created much laughter and conversation about the double entendre. Clever marketing.
Messages often capture localism. This sign was seen on Washington Island in Door County, Wisconsin. Many landowners are frustrated with tourists using their property for beach access. This resident expressed his clearly, though a dictionary might’ve been helpful.
This message greeted us as we landed at LAX-Los Angeles International Airport during a renovation period. A great example of regional language. It made us smile! Acting out not tolerated.
How do you interpret this? “Mind your head” can mean make better choices and decisions. Or, if you’re a tall person, it can mean stoop so you don’t hit your head on the awning of this Antiguan convenience store.
Small in stature, I took it as the former. My 6’3” husband, the latter. Proving words have many meanings, and are often personalized.
Cottonwood Falls in the Flint Hills of Kansas is home to Emma Chase Friday Night Music. This is an open group of musicians & listeners who gather here for free jam sessions/open mikes. What to See & Do in Kansas Flint Hills – Linda Leier Thomason
This Pier 39 San Francisco, California street sign captures attention. We lived in the coastal city of Charleston, South Carolina for over two decades without seeing similar signage. The community there apparently didn’t have to, or chose not to, regulate streetwear near the water. San Francisco does, and found a creative way to communicate the message.
The placement of this message is intriguing. It hangs inside the Cancun Mexico airport. Perhaps the airport authority has seen and experienced too many unappreciative young adults and teenagers coming through their airport.
Seems the hidden message is “practice gratitude” at all ages, but especially if you are fortunate enough to be on a family vacation in Mexico.
The International Cricket Council’s message is relevant in other countries, including the USA.
Would you have guessed this is a souvenir shop in the French Quarter of New Orleans? It is. And, it aptly depicts the lingo and culture of this great city.
Seen at a convenience store off I-80 west of Omaha, Nebraska during a recent election season.
Sometimes the simplest message is the most difficult to implement. I promise.
I have a folder of photographs of fascinating word messages from all over the world. These are 12 of my favorite. Which one made you pause, smile, or some other emotion? Share below.
What word messages have you found and captured in a photo?
How did these inspire or otherwise affect you?
Do Share below.
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Yet, talk of it is nearly removed from everyday life.
Death is difficult to think about, more less talk about.
We are afraid of it.
Discussing death reminds us of our own mortality.
It feels quite uncertain.
Many parts of dying are not beautiful.
Death is medicalized.
Older people are often placed in nursing homes and sick people in hospitals.
The subject is completely avoided.
Even doctors are trained to save lives not discuss death.
Talking about death and dying often causes anxiety and discomfort.
We don’t know what to say, or what to do.
Silently Wonder
Still, if we are facing an expected death, we silently question and wonder
Are we prepared for leaving-spiritually, financially, and emotionally?
What is dying like?
How we will cope while dying?
Have we accomplished all we’d like before dying?
Will those we leave behind be okay?
How loved ones will react to the way we’d like to die and be memorialized.
What kind of legacy are we leaving?
Will we be missed?
So many thoughts and questions left unaddressed.
Why stay so emotionally isolated?
Why not reframe death from being scary, desolate and bleak to being noble, brave and honest?
It was Benjamin Franklin, who in 1789, prophetically stated “…In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
Life Review
The reality of life is that death is our constant companion. It is part of living.
Understanding this brings death and dying back into its natural place in the cycle of life. It also may abruptly affect how you wish to continue living. That’s okay. We each have limited time and resources. We should use them wisely.
The first step is to do a bit of self-discovery and reflection.
In other words, do a life review. Start recording significant events or moments from your life.
Are there consistent themes?
Note your greatest accomplishments, and failures, and what you remember or learned from each. These notes can become part of your legacy.
Are there life lessons you’d like to pass on, especially to your children? Record these by writing them down or creating a video.
Do you need to seek forgiveness from anyone or forgive someone? Is now the time?
End of Life Plan
Being brave enough to do a life review and have difficult, but meaningful, conversations will allow you to leave your way and on your terms, while creating the experience you wish to have.
You are also providing peace of mind for loved ones who now fully know your wishes and plan.
NOTE: Be sure your plan is well documented. Share the plan aloud with loved ones and let someone know where you are safely keeping the written document. Be sure to periodically review and update it, if needed.
Ask Yourself: If you could design your own death, what would the experience be like and how would you feel?
How do you want to leave?
Describe your last months and days.
What kind of sensory experience do you desire? Do you want music playing? If so, what type? Do you prefer silence? Should someone read to you? If so, what and whom? Do you want to be touched? By whom and how?
Who do you want present, or not present, when you die?
Do you want to be anointed?
At the time of death, do you want your body immediately removed or do you want it to lay still for a certain time period?
Do you want to be cremated or buried?
How do you wish to be remembered?
Do you want a published obituary? Have you written it?
Do you want a funeral service or a celebration of life?
NOTE: You may find while answering these questions that the way you want to die is really about how you also want to live.
Gather, Listen & Share
Once you’ve finished your life review and drafted a plan for your ending, bravely gather your loved ones and share your thoughts, feelings and fears with them in a meaningful way.
Present your exit plan created by answering questions like those above.
Acknowledge the discomfort up front.
Understand that some loved ones may opt out of the gathering.
Talking about your dying and death is just too much for them right now.
That’s okay.
Make sure they can tell you in private about their fears and their inability to attend. Offer to meet with them separately when they are ready, if ever.
Ask those gathered
How will you remember me?
What scares you most about my dying?
Do you have concerns about my not being here?
What questions do you want to ask me that you haven’t asked before?
Is there a role you’d like to play in my dying and then at my funeral and/or celebration of life?
What can I do to relieve any anxiety or fear you may have about my dying?
Is there anything you’d like to do together in my last days here?
Hospice & End-of-Life Doulas
Those with terminal illness and their loved ones often become familiar with hospice. There’s an emerging field to offer additional support near the end of one’s life: End-of-Life Doulas.
Here’s a brief description of each with links for more information.
Hospice Care
According to the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization NHPCO, modern hospice began around 1948 in London as a place where people could go to be comforted while dying from an illness.
The first modern hospice in the US was founded in 1974, and the Medicare Hospice Benefit was introduced in the 1980s.
Hospice care is
Approved by Medicare, thus free to anyone aged 65+
Designated care for anyone with a terminal illness
Ordered by two physicians who certify the patient is terminally ill
Focused on reducing pain and suffering without removing the cause of it
End-of-Life Doula is a relatively new service. Many know doulas to be a woman who helps another woman through the birthing process.
An End-of-Life Doula brings someone to the end of life. She puts them at peace and comfort by providing personal companionship. She provides emotional, personal and practical support to the patient, family and caregivers.
The Doula will ensure a patient does not die alone. She will journey with them in their 11th hour and be a witness to the dying and death, especially if a hospice program does not have an 11th Hour volunteer program or the patient has no one beside them.
Non-medical support role—a companion
Does not replace hospice care; adjunct to hospice team
Reinforces a hospice plan of care
Loving companionship with end-of-life knowledge
Generally, do not do personal care
Do not do medication administration
Most are not chaplains, social workers, or therapists. They are companions-people who will journey with you.
Allow loved ones to accompany you to the door of death.
Let go together with comfort knowing you left your way
with your wishes being met.
Resources
You don’t need to start from scratch to begin the process of talking about death and dying. There are plenty of tools available to encourage and guide these discussion and actions.
Churches and funeral homes offer free booklets to complete indicating your wishes and consolidating your vital information. This pre-planning allows you to make informed decisions while you still can and reduces stress for your loved ones upon your death. These booklets include everything from desired scripture readings to cemetery arrangements to loved one’s contact information to insurance and financial information, etc. Examples include: Home – Family Love LetterPlanning Guide – Catholic Cemeteries Omaha
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Linda Leier Thomason writes freelance business and travel stories along with feature articles. Her work experience includes a Fortune 500 corporation, federal government, entrepreneurship and small business. Read more about her background and qualifications by clicking on the “Meet Linda” tab above.
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I was hesitant to commit my annual year end review in writing because, well, it’s just been a year like none other that I recall. But as I was recently walking in the December crisp air, I easily clipped off a list of really great things that happened in 2020 despite, or maybe because of, the pandemic.
Most of them are lessons.
Here they are:
1. Real Heroes Celebrated
Even before the pandemic hit I was becoming restless with our nation’s worship of professional athletes and Hollywood actors. It’s true. Most individuals in these groups are immensely talented. Some even significantly give back to their communities with time and money. But, are they heroes? Not often in my way of thinking.
The real heroes in our country were finally, rightfully, spotlighted as the pandemic exploded. You know, the people who silently and routinely make daily life-changing impacts on our lives without recognition. Heroes like teachers, nurses, researchers, doctors, grocery store employees, delivery drivers, etc.
I’m forever grateful for their tireless, ongoing efforts. I hope and pray they will remain in their heroic status long after the pandemic is an afterthought.
2. Eyes Spoke
Much has been said about eyes being the window to one’s soul. This has probably never been truer than in 2020. Masks covered faces most of the year, often distorting or muting words. However, if one really wanted to know what the speaker was saying, (h)she only had to observe the eyes above the mask.
Fear and uncertainty. That is what the eyes often communicated in early 2020. As time wore on, a hint of optimism and even joy could be heard from eyes.
Let’s be honest. On certain days, exhaustion and impatience, and even frustration, shone brightly in our eyes.
Mask or no mask. Pandemic or none. Listen to the eyes of the person near you. Their silence is often screaming.
3. Goodness of Neighbors Shone Through
I’ve said it before. Most people are genuinely good and want to do well. All communities and neighborhoods have bad eggs, including ours. However, I will always remember in early pandemic days the neighbors who texted asking for our grocery list to combine with theirs-saving us a trip to the store that week. Or, the doorbell ringing and neighbors sneaking away after leaving baked treats and other goodies on our front porch. And, the socially distanced chats while each party was out enjoying fresh air on daily walks.
All over our community, state and nation people showed kindness for one another.
It’s a pandemic outcome I wish to be everlasting.
4. Priorities & Values in Order
I’d long ago given up the corporate rat race. Our child is a married working adult. We no longer juggle an action-packed schedule. In other words, we were already conditioned for often being at home together before the pandemic.
But nothing makes one assess priorities and values more than the real threat of a life-ending virus and stay at home orders-lockdown.
Ken, my husband, a Morgan Stanley Financial Advisor, has been working downstairs for over half of the year. Never before did I think our experience of owning and working in multiple businesses together for over two decades would serve a purpose later in our lives. After selling the businesses, we thought that chapter was closed. Wrong.
I’m grateful we didn’t have to learn how to work and live together like so many couples and families did, and are still doing. We seemed to ease right into familiar routines, allowing both of us to be productive professionals and compatible mates.
We did put the business part of our lives in order. Our wills and other legal papers were updated. Over and over news stories reported families devastated by not only the loss of a loved one but the stress and strife of managing legal issues post death.
Supporting small businesses and craftsmen remained a top priority for us. Our dining out dollars and other funds were devoted to businesses we knew needed our money most.
I’ve always believed small businesses are the engines that run the community.
Keeping them afloat is always a priority, more so now than ever.
5. Not all Screen Time is Bad
I’m guilty. Raising our son, I preached, “Watching too much TV will pollute your mind,” or “TV dumbs you down.” I encouraged reading, creating and getting outdoors. You know, the old-fashioned way of raising a child.
However, I will admit, during this pandemic, I’ve engaged in a fair amount of screen time.
Today, the choices are endless.
Yes, I obliged my husband and binge watched “The Sopranos”. I can’t believe I hadn’t watched this outstanding series before. The writing, acting and production were each remarkable and deserving of every accolade ever received.
I also watched a ton of documentaries, biographies and other educational programming.
Okay, according to Ken, I’ve overwatched Hallmark movies near the end of this year. But, again, the choices are endless.
I’ve had a mind shift. I no longer think TV dumbs one down or pollutes one’s mind. It can, if done in excess, I guess. Like anything, choosing well matters and so does balancing screen time with other activities like actual conversation, outdoor activities, and yes, book reading too.
So, while 2020 was sadly a remarkable year for loss and fear, it also taught some tremendous lessons.
I trust as I continue to reflect on this year, other lessons will come to me.
Share Your Learning from This Year
What has 2020 taught you? Share in the comment section below.
2021
Ken and I wish you a hopeful 2021 filled with wonder, joy and peace.
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Linda Leier Thomason writes freelance business and travel stories along with feature articles. Her work experience includes a Fortune 500 corporation, federal government, entrepreneurship and small business. Read more about her background and qualifications by clicking on the “Meet Linda” tab above.
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Joey’s a white, 54-year-old male living in a small town in rural North Dakota. He’s been married for 29 ½ years to fellow Napoleon native, Missy (Sperle).
He’s the proud father of three grown children (Amanda, Megan and Elijah) and has an adorable 9-month-old grandson.
Joey’s the middle child with two sisters and an in-law to Missy’s 12 siblings.
He’s provided for his family as a restaurant owner and manager, retail manager and maintenance worker at the Napoleon Care Center.
Joey loves spending time with his family, especially hunting with his son, mowing the lawn and watching TV.
He’s described as kind, soft-hearted, genuine and sweet.
Joey loves people, but is shy.
He works hard not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Joey can also be a prankster and a joker.
He has a strong Catholic faith.
Joey has suffered with depression for 34 years.
On December 9, 2016, Joey ended his life by suicide.
Battling Depression
This wasn’t Joey’s first attempt at ending his struggle with life.
Three times he overdosed with medication chased by alcohol. The last time by a fatal gunshot in the master bedroom.
“In the 35 years we were together, it was like a roller coaster ride,” said his wife, Missy. Joey was hospitalized for the suicide attempts. He saw doctors for decades and took a variety of antidepressants. He even had shock treatments, which worked for a few years, but, according to Missy, also affected his short-term memory.
Joey’s depression peaked when he was under pressure or conflict was present in his life.
“Joey loved his family so very much but I believe the suffering just got to be too much. He was so tired of the struggle to keep going,” shared Missy.
Suicide’s Effect on Family
Joey’s children felt deep guilt in the months after his death. “These days were very hard. The kids felt guilty because they didn’t call or visit their dad more often.”
Somehow they believed if they’d have reached out and visited more frequently his suicide could’ve been prevented.
Not likely.
Hilzendeger Family
Joey and Missy often talked about suicide because of his 30-year depression battle. “I knew the day would come where he’d accomplish it. However, I always figured it’d be by means of overdose and not by shooting himself on a day when all the children were coming home.”
Missy assured and comforted her children and told them what she’d say to any family who’s suffered such a loss:
1. This is not your fault. Depression is an illness like cancer, diabetes or alcoholism. It is no one’s fault and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
2. Use available resources for helping you cope: support groups, pastoral counseling, therapy, physician visits, retreats, spa services-whatever is available to you and makes you feel better.
3. Stay strong. It may feel like you will never get over this. It is not easy and you will never forget. Each day does get better and you will learn to live with it. You have to believe God loves you and will help you through this.
Though she coaches her children and others to be guilt-free, Missy sometimes blames herself for Joey’s suicide. “We were together for 35 years and I just couldn’t bring him back from the darkness this one last time.”
However, Missy has never been angry with Joey for what he did. “We were together so long and I knew how much he struggled on so many occasions. I can’t be angry with him.”
She admits, though, she’s been disappointed that he didn’t fight harder, especially after they had their first grandchild. “He was so unbelievably proud of that little boy.”
Missy is comforted knowing that she and the kids did not miss any warning signs of Joey’s impending suicide. “He battled depression for 30 plus years. Though it was difficult, it was part of our lives for so many years.
I wish I could have him back, but for Joey’s sake, knowing how much he suffered for so long, I truly hope and pray that he is now at peace.”
Moving Forward
Joey is terribly missed by all. Thinking of him brings both a smile to Missy’s face and tears to her eyes.
She talks to him regularly, asking him to watch over the family and to keep them safe, always, but especially from the current pandemic. “I pray every day that Joey is at peace and is right beside God.” That was always his greatest wish.
Missy’s relies heavily on her immediate and extended families to cope and is deeply grateful to each of them for their commitment to her. “They’ve helped so much with everyday life since Joey’s death. I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without them and my faith.”
Her toughest days were the grief-filled ones the first four weeks after Joey’s death. “I cried every day, many times a day. I remember thinking I’d just lost my husband yet everyone is moving on like nothing happened.”
She returned to work and kept busy, yet when summer arrived, she was hit with another wave of grief. She was alone to tend to yard work-one of Joey’s favorite chores that he enjoyed so much.
I had a wake-up call. Life was moving on with or without me. “The pain of his death has not gone away. I have just learned to live with it.”
“It’s been 3 ½ years. Every day is anyone’s guess how the day will be. Some days I feel like crying when I hear a certain song or relive a special memory. The next day, I’m just fine.”
Wishing Missy and her beautiful family days of peace and happiness ahead.
Thank you for sharing your story so that others may have hope.
If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide, please seek immediate help from a physician or mental health professional. Effective July 16, 2022, call 988.988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline | SAMHSA
In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). For more information, visit the NSPL web site (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org).
To keep Joey’s memory alive, every March his family hosts a pinochle tournament in Napoleon with funds donated to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) in memory of Joey Hilzendeger.
If you’d like to make a donation to the card tournament, send a check to Missy Hilzendeger 322 Avenue C East, Napoleon, ND 58561.
The 5th Annual Pinochle Tournament is scheduled for March 2021. The day is not yet available.
What Can You Do?
Seek help if you are suicidal. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Leave notes of encouragement for Missy below.
Donate and participate in the Pinochle Tournament.
Send a donation in Joey’s name to AFSP.
Encourage loved ones to seek help.
Objectively listen and pay attention.
Keep the lines of communication open.
SHARE this post with others struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts.
SHARE with family members left behind.
North Dakota Facts
North Dakota saw the nation’s largest increase in suicide rates from 1999 to 2016- 58 percent.
That was more than twice the national increase of 25 percent, according to figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
That means that in North Dakota, which has the nation’s 10th-highest suicide rate, a person dies by suicide every 57 hours.
In 2019, 154 people committed suicide.
Guns are the leading means of suicide nationally as well as in North Dakota. They account for slightly more than half of all suicides in North Dakota.
Easy access to firearms, along with increased social isolation and lack of behavioral health services, are among the reasons cited for higher suicide rates in rural areas.
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Linda Leier Thomason writes freelance business and travel stories along with feature articles. Her work experience includes a Fortune 500 corporation, federal government, entrepreneurship and small business. Read more about her background and qualifications by clicking on the “Meet Linda” tab above.
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