A Week in Solitary

October 9, 2015 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

I vowed to spend the week in solitary when my husband left for business. I spent a week by myself not a week in silence. Baby steps here. A week alone with complete silence seems insurmountable.

Solitary has never been my thing. How can it be? I was raised in a family of 11 with hundreds of cousins. I lived in dorms. I worked in offices and on Capitol Hill. There was always noise and movement around me. I thrived in these settings, or at least I thought I did as a social creature.

As the week in solitary progressed and my “to-do” list rapidly dwindled, I grew somewhat contemplative. I thought about those devoted to monastic silence by choice and those placed in solitary confinement in prisons. Monks seeking calm, serenity and peace of mind conflicted with prisoners in confined spaces filled with angst, rage and contempt. Such contrasting routes and approaches to solitude.

Little noise and distraction unlocked solitary moments warehoused in my memory. I relived my wedding day before driving downtown Charleston, SC to get dressed for the ceremony. The calmness I felt as I lazily completed piddly tasks alone around my house came back. I recalled sitting on the porch marveling how I was living my last minutes as a single woman while feeling the excitement of our forthcoming ceremony and reception. Insisting I be alone that morning was the right decision. It kept me focused and in the moment. Solitude prepared me for commitment.

Later I recalled overnight feedings of our infant son. Holding him in the crook of my left arm propped up with a pillow while rocking him in the night’s darkness: the intimacy of those silent irreplaceable moments. In the stillness I listened to him, though he could not yet speak. Solitude naturally bonded mother and son.

Not all unlocked memories of solitude were blissful. Sometimes being all alone in thought and presence is scary. I shivered recalling how solitude paralyzed me as I sat next to a friend dying of AIDS. Though together, I felt completely alone. The room was eerily quiet, except for the surrounding machines and medical staff moving in and out of the room. None made eye contact. An unspoken understanding existed that these were our last moments together. I grasped his limp hand and didn’t dare cry, trumping his pain with mine. Crying would ruin the silence needed for his ending. Solitude readied me for grieving.

As I worked through one memory after another, testifying that I’d previously not only endured but sometimes thrived in solitary, it became clear that a very distinct difference exists between loneliness and solitude. One is painful, the other meditative. While I advocate for meditation and solitude, I understand that many are lonely and suffer deeply from disconnection and loneliness. Loneliness feels like punishment while voluntarily placing oneself in solitary is a priceless gift.

And when the garage door opened signaling my husband’s return, my week in solitary ended. My unlocked memories remained as did faith in myself that I could endure and appreciate future weeks in solitary.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or confused by the busyness of daily life, force yourself to a period of solitary. Be quiet. Recall the past. Relive the joy. Understand the pain. Appreciate the moment. A week in solitary is worth the initial discomfort. It offers perspective. It adds depth to your life.

“We need to find God. And he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature-trees, flowers, grass grows in silence. See the starts, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch souls.- Mother Teresa-

Retreat Centers:

Cloisters on the Platte in Nebraska http://www.cloistersontheplatte.com

Benedictine Peace Center in Yankton, SD http://yanktonbenedictines.org

Creighton University Retreat Center in Griswold, Iowa http://creighton.edu/ministry/retreatcenter

St. Benedict Center in Schuyler Nebraska http://www.stbenedictcenter.com

Website of Retreat Centers http://www.retreatfinder.com

Have you been on a silent retreat or forced yourself into a week of solitary? Comment. How did the experience work for you?

3 F’s of Unemployment

September 24, 2015 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Awhile back our family was anticipating an employment and relocation change. I found this beautiful verse that today is framed and in our family room as a reminder of what has been, what will be and what can be endured.

Life does not stand still.

Change is constant.

It comes by chance, by choice or by force

but come it will…come it will.

Only character and faith can guide

for they are the anchor and the compass

in ever changing lives.

Jon and Amy share what has guided them in their recent unwanted career changes. Each relies heavily on faith, family & friends. Read their stories and tips for staying positive through change. Share this with others going through a career or job change.

Contributed by Jon May from Ohio.

Finding yourself out of work or unemployed can be both scary and overwhelming no matter where you’re at in your career. I was a Human Resources professional for 20+ years and it was my job to help others understand the reasons for changes in their employment status. Now for the first time in my career, because of a merger, I have to face this challenge myself. If you’re in the same boat, please understand the role work plays in our identity.

• It makes us feel worthy, proud and significant.
• Work gives us a sense of achievement in providing something worthwhile for others.
• Work shapes our personal growth and development, and
• Work provides us sufficient finances to adequately meet our needs.

During this time of self-examination and transition, one must also spend quality time with God to ensure where He wants you to go and what He wants you to be doing. “… to rejoice in His labor; this is the gift of God” (Ecclesiastes 5:9). Remember, the creation never dictates to the creator what they are purposed to accomplish in their life.
Finally, I offer 5 steps for dealing with career transitions:
1. Allow yourself some down time to reconnect with family & friends, seek spiritual and emotional support and discern your next steps.
2. Take full advantage of outplacement services offered by your previous employer. These services will provide support on resume development, LinkedIn profiles and networking.
3. Redefine and write down your goals for income, location, industry, etc. These will guide you in working towards your next opportunity.
4. Stay motivated and active. Keep moving to make progress so you don’t get discouraged or become complacent.
5. Be open to different opportunities such as project or consulting work and/or part time work. Doing so will not only continue to hone your skills but also the next person you network with may be a great connection for your next career opportunity.

Jon May is a 20+ years Human Resources executive. He’s been married 25 years to his bride Meredith. He is the father of Jordan, a college junior, and Joshua, a high school junior. Jon has a passion for coaching and developing others and helping them find what God has called them to accomplish as part of their career and life assignment. Jon enjoys spending time with family, fishing, exercising and offering support to his church’s budget committee.

Contributed by guest blogger Amy Davis of Alabama.

“Losing your job is not the end of the world – you’ll find something”. This was the first thing my sister-in-law told me as I shared the devastating news of being jobless again. I’ve worked 80 hour weeks since I can remember, so when I’m not working, it does feel like the end of the world. My entire existence changed in an instant. One day I was working the usual 12 hour day, and the next day there was complete silence. The silence – that is the hardest part – it is where one’s faith and common sense are tested daily.
I now know that my sister-in-law was absolutely correct. Hers probably aren’t the words I would choose, but she wanted me to see the big picture. Often times, our close friends and family know us better than we know ourselves. It is very easy to question everything about yourself and move into that vicious cycle of self-loathing when you lose your job. Simple tasks such as reviewing your resume or LinkedIn profile become a battle-one between a confident winner and the newly-born skeptic sure everyone sees you as a failure. When you surround yourself with the love of your faith, family, and friends, simple tasks become simple again and there seems to be a purpose to life.
Do you have a friend like this? One who reminds you God is there to take your worries or that you are an intelligent and good person? As soon as I start telling one of my friends I don’t know if I was cut out to work anymore, she reminds me of the good life I have and how I have so much to offer. My husband was the first person to tell me we will be okay; we can make it work with some sacrifices. He listens to me whine when I see another rejection email and reminds me I didn’t have my first interview until after applying for a month the last time I lost my job.
Most importantly (to me), my church friends have prayed for and with me countless times. They have helped me remember how to turn my worries over to God – through prayer and my faith.

My biggest epiphany has been that God has placed all of these people and circumstances into my life with a purpose. With my faith, every task is possible and anything is doable. I am so grateful for all of the doorstops (my friends and family) He has placed in my path as a reminder that everything will be okay.

As it turns out, I’m now pursuing what I have always loved doing and I’m writing my heart out. Losing my job is not the end of my world.

Amy Davis is a freelance writer with a background in instructional design, training program management and consulting who lives near Birmingham, Alabama with her husband and teenage son. Her passion for writing began at an early age through journaling and grew with her into her career. Amy’s metaphoric approach to writing is a true representation of her personality and approach to life.

See more at http://reinventamy.blogspot.com/.

Leave a word of encouragement, ask a question or seek advice from Jon & Amy in the Comments Section below. Have you lost a job? What did you rely on to move forward? How have Jon & Amy’s messages impacted you? Comment and share.

If you’d like to be considered as a guest contributor, email me at llthomason60@gmail.com.

BIG Life on North Dakota Farm

August 26, 2015August 27, 2018 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ 1 Comment

DSC_0053.1 — Klarisa Glasser, Photographer

By guest contributor-Bonnie Schantz.
Farming is big in North Dakota, and so is family. And when something big is about to happen on a ND farm, it causes a lot of excitement. BIG for me is when all our kids and grand kids gather, especially since one of the twins lives 3000 miles away and hasn’t been back for two years.

For this reunion trip back to ND, Michael’s carrying more than his backpack from Boston: his wife and our 9-month-old grandson are in tow. We’re truly blessed as parents and grandparents as nothing makes my husband, Chester, and I happier than when our “chickens come home to roost.”
Our children enjoy spending time together. Our eldest son, Jordan, who lives an hour away from our farm moved his camper here so his family could spend more time here and less on the road. Amanda’s family commuted 70 miles between Bismarck and the farm.
Little did we know that our reunion would be disrupted by big events. Despite these, we stuck together, laughed through each and created lifetime memories. It started out with a six row honeycomb discovered on the corner of the house. As a farmer’s wife, it saddened me to see the local bee keeper destroy this because of the severe bee shortage, essential to pollination. But to protect the grandchildren around the house, he advised us that capturing bees in a wooden hive would take days and could be dangerous for the kids. So, it was destroyed.
Insects are apparently attracted to my family. Shortly after Michael arrived, he was repeatedly texting his physician. Finally he admitted he had a blood test before leaving and just learned he tested positive for Lyme Disease, though he never found a bite on his body. So, he made a ‘beeline’ to the local pharmacy for his 21 day treatment. Oh boy!
Michael wasn’t the only one facing health challenges during the homecoming. Chester, 67, became ill three weeks before everyone arrived. He suffered with a high fever and body aches for days. Even after a couple of trips to the ER, the local doctor remained stumped. Antibiotics, lots of fluids and two and a half weeks of bed rest helped nurse him back to better health. Though weak, he was able to enjoy the family gathering, sneaking in a nap or two. Having his kids and grand kids home was enough for Chester to jump off the farm equipment and tend to his health-a rare behavior near harvest time.

Not certain as to when all 12 will be able to gather again, I couldn’t let this time go by without capturing photos of our togetherness on the family farm. Our house never would have worked as a backdrop because it looked like a closet exploded while getting everyone ready for the photographer to arrive. All willingly agreed to do the photo session outdoors and since farming is our heritage, we included a few rusty old junk yard tractors.

On Sunday we invited extended family and hosted a potluck for 33, which included frying fleishkeukle (German beef pocket) on the patio. Lloyd, my brother-in-law, offered to bring a deep fryer and be the chef since Michael requested it. That is what German Russian families do-celebrate family with food, including German potato salad. As I watched everyone interacting, my heart was full and ready to burst. This was my big family sharing a big meal, and I never felt more pride as the mother and oldest sister of this group.
After five nights it was time to take the travelers to the airport. Hugs and kisses were exchanged and a little of my heart went with them. I didn’t get time to be sad, as I had laundry and cleaning to do as I prepared to watch Jordan’s two kids while he and his wife attended the 75th Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. They play so well together and I treasure listening, watching and sometimes joining in. I let them jump in the mud puddles after it rained, ride bike, dance to a Michael Jackson tape and make a fort out of lawn chairs. In between I would send up a prayer for a safe return of their parents. The excitement of the previous week continued with the discovery of three bats in our glass enclosed fireplace. The day after, the dishwasher broke.
That’s life on a ND farm. It’s been a hectic six weeks with lots of activity-bees, Lyme Disease, sick husband, bats in the fireplace, broken dishwasher and even a broken ceiling fan. But as Chester said, “At least we’re still alive!” That’s why I love him. He has ND farmer perspective. All the family was together. He feels better, as does Michael who returned safely to Massachusetts. The grand kids didn’t even have a scrape on them when their motorcycle-riding parents returned from South Dakota. I cherished this extra time with my grand kids and secretly shed a tear when I overheard him read a story to his younger sister. Does this mean my bedtime story reading days are over?
I know some believe North Dakota is a wide open prairie with nothing to do. That’s okay. For me, North Dakota is a big farming state with big families with big hearts. I was happy to have mine all gathered around me, even as I prepare to gather a big harvest to feed this big country.
Bonnie Huber Schantz is a chic farmer’s wife of 44 years, living with Chester on their 6000 acre grain farm near Hebron, ND. She is the mother of three, including a set of twins, and grandmother of four. She is Chester’s support, doing payroll, monthly expense accounting, taking hot meals to six men in the field at harvest, helping maintain the 6 acre farmstead and motoring to their “retirement” home in Bismarck to mow the lawn. She enjoys the freedom of being able to be fill-in day-care for the grand kids and watching the 4th segment of the Today Show, while enjoying a good cup of coffee.

If you would like to be considered a guest contributor, contact me:

Linda Leier Thomason is a former CEO who writes freelance business and travel stories, along with feature articles. Her work experiences include a Fortune 500 corporation, federal government, entrepreneurship and small business. Find out more about Linda by clicking the “Meet Linda” tab above. Interested in working together? Complete this form above.

Flew the Coop & Rooster Crowed

August 19, 2015 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ 1 Comment

The back to school images on social media recently are both heart warming and heart breaking, especially for empty nesters. We are happy, and even somewhat nostalgic, seeing photos of youngsters slightly stooped over with overloaded backpacks, smiling at the camera with butterflies in their bellies. We recall the years gone by when it was us taking the photos with butterflies of our own. We delight in your time, as we fondly recall ours.

Our 20-year-old son also left for school this week-his third year of college. We were lucky enough to share the summer with him as he completed an internship and lived with us in Omaha. Sadly, that was probably the last long-term shared housing we will experience as he creeps toward adulthood and independence. This year Alex has an off-campus apartment, is buying his own groceries, doing his own cooking and managing his own finances. Yes, we’ve worked hard as parents to get him to this point and we celebrate this milestone. However, we’d secretly like more time, and some days we even long for the four-year-old of past to lovingly wrap his arms around our necks and joyfully bounce on our laps. This is especially true for my husband and family provider, Ken, who has had less time with Alex than I have through the years. As the departure day drew near, Ken was looking for more hours in the day to spend with Alex and he’s felt his absence since-as any good father would, and does.

Each year I witness the growing bond between father and son. With slightly rebellious teenage years behind them, Ken and Alex are inching toward equals and share business and leisure interests. Dinner table conversation is dominated by talk of micro-economics, insurance lingo and sports standings. While I’m not enamored by the content, I’m joyfully celebrating the maturation and growing bond. It’s what every mother longs for-a connection between her children and their father, and herself.

Yes, this week lots of children made their way back to school. Here, ours flew the coop and while we celebrate, we also mourn, gladly and happily, if that even makes sense.

Headline: If you’ve read my “About” page, you will get the fowl reference.

What have you felt and experienced recently with the abundance of back-to-school photos on social media? Share. If you’re an empty nester, does the longing for years gone by this time of the year ever fade?

Step Back to Step Up

July 16, 2015 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ Leave a comment

Step Back to Step Up.

Waiting For the Other Shoe To Drop

June 24, 2015 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ 4 Comments

Less than 12 hours after watching my hard-working husband Ken sign a purchase agreement on a house in our new home city-Omaha, Nebraska-it dawned on me that my family has been living a life of “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” We need to change that. Rather than battle life, the Thomason trio needs to begin enjoying life, starting today.

It’s true. Since moving to the Midwest in 2009, we’ve had our share of challenges on many fronts: employment, health, housing and family. Yet, through it all, we’ve endured and remained intact as a family unit. As a parent, what matters most to me is that Alex, our 20-year-old son, sees us navigate these hurdles with willpower and grace. Knowing one can overcome challenges instills confidence and fearlessness; both attributes will guide him through his own life journey.

Last night while waiting for our outstanding real estate agent to arrive with the paperwork, the three of us walked around the house, checked out the landscaping and discussed immediate home improvements. Then Megan arrived with pep in her step and asks, “Are you all excited?” No one responded. I jumped in and explained we are not an excitable trio; we’re pretty flatlined folks. It’s not that we don’t experience pleasure or delight, rather it’s that we are not demonstrative about it. Yet, during the remainder of our time there, I did wonder about the lack of excitement. Had the challenges worn us completely down and stripped all the joy from us individually, and as a unit? I hope not!

Omaha June 2015 House Hunting 006 — Alex checking out view from back porch.

It’s my mission to pitch the idea of new beginnings to the number crunching men in my trio. To instill the need to celebrate and to feel and experience joy while bidding farewell to “waiting for the other shoe to drop” approach to each day.

Omaha June 2015 House Hunting 034 — Megan’s upright shoes at new house.

It starts tonight.

We’re heading to the final game of the College World Series-a battle on the playing field, not in our lives.

It’s a new beginning and we’re celebrating!

And, gosh darn it, we’re going to be joyous about it.

The Fine Art of Moving

June 5, 2015April 21, 2016 ~ Linda Leier Thomason ~ 5 Comments

Ken & I at Vermillion, SD truck stop on May 2015 moving day

Decades ago while dating I recall being told the best way to determine long-term compatibility is to take a trip together. Ken and I traveled often and are celebrating 23 years of marriage in June 2015. I’d say that was timeless, sage advice.

Now I feel it’s my turn to offer some words of wisdom. If one wants to find out what character his/her partner is made of…MOVE. Move often. Who each is prior to sorting, selling, boxing, loading, driving and then unloading and unboxing remains through the entire process. I know this. We’ve moved seven times during our married life and each time the roles we play remain the same…in other words…we do not change much, despite our changing surroundings.

I am the planner, producer, facilitator and director. You get it…the boss…the leader. Ken, my husband, to use a good ole’ Southern phrase, “God bless his soul,” abides by my directives and does the heavy lifting and stacking. He hires the truck and labor. Apparently, time has taught him not to question or second guess my prep work and research. Alex, our son, the college dude, seeks to refine my directives with the precision of a logistics engineer, completely finding unnecessary my need for sentiment and time to pause and recall memories associated with items he considers ‘things.’

His goal is to get to the location and unpack, touching each item once while packing, once while loading and once while unloading. He fusses and hurries me along as I share legends of items stored away in cedar chests and cardboard boxes. I wonder if he thoughtfully considers his response when I ask, “Will you use or appreciate this one day?”

There is a fine art to moving. I equate it to a great symphony piece. First, I gather items by theme-kitchen cookware, flatware, linens, decorative items, etc. and sort. It sounds so cerebral, but in reality, it never gets easier, though with each move we downsize. What goes to a consignment shop? What will I attempt to sell? What is donated? What do I want to pass on to Alex? What can’t I part with just yet?

Actions ensue. I box and cart items to each destination. Ahhh. The house feels lighter. I feel good. I gather empty boxes we’ve saved from previous moves and do my best to pack alike items in a logical fashion. I bubble wrap breakables and touch each saved item with care, recalling how it came into our lives. I like doing this in solitude without the rush of deadlines and the push toward the end goal–boxing and moving on. I’m goal oriented, but not without nostalgia.

I call charitable organizations and schedule pick up times. During the recent move, we donated to the Furniture Mission in Sioux Falls, SD. They were gracious and expedient in their pick up. I watched them load items once considered valuable possessions but knew would not last through yet another move. I felt a loss of the material goods but joy at helping another family furnish a house. After they clear the garage, the items that escaped another cut and were boxed are moved to the garage awaiting the moving truck and the loaders. If these items had feelings, they’d be celebrating. They made the cut! They are prized and belong to the family.

Made the cut-boxed and in the garage awaiting truck.

I hesitantly sell items through the Internet, but never unless Alex or Ken is there with me when a potential buyer arrives. I’m 100 percent in my sales. Perhaps I missed my calling. I sell at list price and often the buyer leaves with more items than he came to get. Am I that good, or does the sentiment attached to the items I’m hawking come through so loudly that the buyer is purchasing that intangible as well? Either way. Ca..ching. Another item gone. One less thing to load on the moving truck.

All these actions happen virtually at the same time-list, respond to inquiries, arrange visits to see the items, greet potential buyers, sell, pull more items out of cupboards and cabinets, decide what goes and what stays, bubble wrap, touch each item, recall its’ origin, cart off to a donation site, wait on charitable organizations to arrive, box, move boxes to garage, on and on and on. If done well, the symphony of moving results in a feeling of relief, joy and peacefulness. If not, it’s utter chaos with shrieking and leaving in protest.

We’ve moved seven times. We each understand our role in the process and play our part. It requires practice but our individual character remains. As with musicians, each of us has learned a specialization in the process and sticks to it to make the overall piece and process flow smoothly and flawlessly.

We sorted. We donated. We sold. We packed. We loaded. We moved. We arrived safely. We can each say we enjoyed the fine art of moving in May 2015. We remember moving is like a symphony-each has a specific role to play for it to be a memorable production.

Sonata!

Jubilant moving producer arrives at destination.

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